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Reruns, Recycle, and Second Hand All Over Again

2012-02-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

I just sat down to write, wondering what I should rant about now. It seems my blog has become a place where I need to write something that grabs someone every time. Each entry I want to be perfect and directed to a subject that will bring in the readers. The thing is, I started a blog over eleven years ago and it was nothing like what I write now. That isn't surprising, life changes, we move on and we grow... so what I write about now is about what is now, not over a decade ago.

I decided it was time to write today and indicated so on my facebook status. My mother-in-law told me to write something funny, she likes funny, and that made me remember the early days of my blog (or online diary as I called it then). Much of what I did write did make people chuckle. I enjoyed that, I miss that now. So I went back and skimmed over my old diary (different blog spot than what I use now but I still keep it there). I enjoyed enough here and there what I wrote that I decided each day I would revisit that old diary on the same date(s) and see what I wrote then verses now, Then I will take one of the entries that struck a cord or I enjoyed, and I will post it here. For most my readers now, this is going to be new stuff but for the few faithful that have followed me and are still reading, maybe you will remember it. In any case, I hope you enjoy it. Keep in mind, some of these entries are over ten years old. A lot has changed in my life and the world. These entries were written on an HP desktop PC. We had dial up internet and still didn't have a way for it not to tie up the phone line with a busy signal. I had just gotten a cell phone and we yet to have gotten a printer. Digital cameras were still a thing of the future and my children were still in school. And speaking of my kids, the first rerun I am featuring is from ten years ago and about Morgan.

The Special That Is Today

Morgan is home sick from school today. She woke up with the cold/flu from hell yesterday morning. She stayed in bed and slept all day which means she is sick! So, today when I went to wake her up for school I noticed she has a fever. I went ahead and told her to go back to sleep. She slept most of the morning too.

This afternoon she managed to crawl out of bed and onto the couch. We have sort of been hanging out together. I made her something she wanted for lunch and then we watched a bunch of stuff on TLC (they have A Make Over Story, A Dating Story, A Baby Story....things like that during the day, she likes those shows). I had done most of the things that I needed to get done earlier in the day so I could spend the time with her without worrying about laundry and such. It is during this time that I realized how precious this time with her is. She won't be home long now and that is so hard to face. I am so excited about her preparing for college and she seems to be also but with her departure to school starts the beginning of the end of the most wonderful time in my life. From the moment our children are born they are moving away from us until they reach the day when they will leave all together. I never realized this more than I have today.

This time next year if she gets this cold (this is almost an annual thing for her) she will be at school. She will have to make her own lunch, take care of herself and I won't have any way to be there. Times of us just hanging out, like we often do on Monday night (we both love watching TRAUMA IN THE ER and MATERNITY WARD). Everything moves forward, everything changes. I don't want it to stop for her, I am excited for all her future holds but I wish I could stop this moment in time with us. This moment when she still laid her head on my lap as her little girl and waited for the medicine and Momma to make her feel all better. Some days are just such precious memories you take them and tuck them away inside you for a time when you can take them out and once again remember the love and happiness you experienced with your child. Today was that day (11/12/2002).

So there you go Mom, not sure if it was funny, really it isn't, but perhaps, seeing where Morgan's life is today, maybe it will make you smile anyhow.

Note: doing this will, in no way, discontinue my regular writing, I just thought it was something nice for me to do and it will allow me to save some of my favorite entries here as a back up as well.

Playing God With Health Insurance

2012-02-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

I have dealt a lot with health insurance companies and nearly none of it in a favorable way. Health insurance companies can screw up red tape and paperwork in ways us normal people can barely begin to imagine. They can determine your state of health or lack thereof and therefore determine what medical care they will or won't pay for by just reading a piece of paper (even if it the doctor is recommending otherwise). And they can force cost increases left and right and you basically have no say. But, for a company that it takes 10 days to get back to me on a simple billing issue, they can sure dump you in a heartbeat if you are a minute late in paying a premium. Yes, I truly believe that teetering topside of the list of evil commercial empire are banks and insurance companies.

All that said, sometimes insurance companies hit the spotlight and it isn't actually something evil they are trying to pull. Such is the case of the current hoopla over the requirement of all companies to include birth control coverage for women in all their policies. This has nothing to do with the insurance companies wanting or not wanting to provide coverage, it has everything to do with the companies they supply the insurance to. It seems companies now are objecting to cost free coverage of prescription birth control products for women being included in their standard policy because they have a religious objection to birth control period. This does not include the 355,000 churches who provide health insurance for their employees ("since they presumably hire individuals who share the religious faith of the institutions in question"), they are exempt, this applies to religious sponsored hospitals and universities. We are talking thousands and thousands of people who work for these institutions that are considered BUSINESSES.

An argument to this is well presented in the article "Protecting Access to Birth Control Does Not Violate Religious Freedom -- And It Is a Moral Imperative" by political author Robert Creamer when he says:

Some religious leaders argue that they should not be required to pay for birth control coverage for their employees if they have religious objections to birth control. This argument ignores the fact that health insurance coverage is not a voluntary gift to employees. It is a part of their compensation package. If someone opposed the minimum wage on religious grounds -- say because they believed it "discouraged individual initiative" -- that wouldn't excuse them from having to pay the minimum wage.
If a Christian Science institution opposed invasive medical treatment on religious grounds, it would not be allowed to provide health care plans that fund only spiritual healing. Many Americans opposed the Iraq War -- some on religious grounds. That did not excuse them from paying taxes to the government.

When I first heard of this issue, I had to go look up some information on it. I simply couldn't believe that something so fundamental as prescription birth control could be considered an unnecessary part of health insurance, especially when it is coming from forced religious policy, but it seems some think so. Sigh. The question came to mind, if you read my blog you know I just wrote about religious intolerance and yet here it is again, on the opposite end, but all the same. It comes down to the responsibility of individual choice and that choice should be afforded to all. We have country that is experiencing a healthcare crisis along with an economic crisis. Everyone is having to tighten up and to ask women to spend approximately $1,200 a year to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancy just because they work for a institution that is, in some way, sponsored by a religious organization is wrong. I respect religion's right to oppose birth control but, especially in this country, they have no right to impose on my personal freedom, especially when it comes to my health and reproductive rights.

It will be interesting to see how this all turns out.

How to Turn a Breast into a Boob

2012-02-08T14:11:00.000-05:00

Facebook has done it again, they have ticked people off, and this time it is a pretty vocal group. Nope, this isn't about the new timeline, it has nothing to do with giving apps access to your private information, or even the ever increasing ads that are being slipped into the social network, this has to do with their "concern" about keeping obscenity and nudity off their site. No, really, don't laugh! They are concerned that their members are posting photos of semi-nude, even nude breasts on their pages. GASP! I know, I can't believe it either! I mean, we all know how careful Facebook is to not have any obscene, pornographic, violent or offensive material, I have never seen anything like that!

Breast-feeding mother's around the world have noticed some of their personal pictures being removed from their account, some accounts have even been suspended because the "offensive" material they have posted - that of them holding and nursing their babies. This I personally find offensive, that something as natural, innocent, and beautiful as a mother feeding her could be labeled as dirty and obscene. What has our society come to? I nursed both of my children, my grandchildren have both been nursed and I encourage mothers, if they are considering breast or bottle, to give it a chance because, not only is it good for the baby AND mother's health, it has incredible emotional attachment benefits as well. After all, that is the primary purpose of the woman's breasts. All that said, I was never a militant, card-carrying nursing mother advocate. I simply accepted it as part of my life during the time I was doing it, and I appreciated it when others understood that. But, it seems, in our current society, the stigma attached to breast-feeding has increased as we have "progressed" instead of decreased. The website The Clinical Advisor explained the possible trend this way:

"Somewhere along the line, breastfeeding has become disgusting, inappropriate and inconvenient to a large part of the United States. Most states have had to pass laws so that mothers nursing their babies in public could not be cited for indecency."

I tend to agree with what they are saying about societal views. After all, why would Facebook now be pulling these pictures, even restricting or deleting accounts? I love my Facebook, I enjoy social networking and I subscribe to a sense of decency where possible in public forums on the internet, however this is simply ridiculous! Is there anyone that has spent even a reasonable amount of time on Facebook who hasn't seen pictures of drunk females, boobs and butts hanging out, women spread eagle in a tiny thong, or much more drunk, lewd, violent, stupid or gross behavior?

Then again, everything in our world could come down to common sense, and that seems to be something our society is sorely lacking in these days. Most women quietly and discretely nurse in public when their baby needs feeding. Most nursing mothers don't choose to put breastfeeding photos on their social networking sites, and,. for the most part, moms are not adverting their breasts to the world, and this should be their call. Personally I think some of the mother/child breastfeeding pictures are beautiful, just like the art form that has developed as the mother with child portraits or pregnancy portraits. Really, which to you is more offensive, this above picture that has not been, nor probably won't be remove from sites such as Facebook and Myspace, and yet the above image of a nursing baby is now deemed offensive and must be removed. Common sense, people! Common sense! Let's work on bringing the difference between a breast and a boob. The breast is a beautiful thing, a boob is the photo to the right; and even more so I question the dumb people that want to remove pictures of breast-feeding moms and yet have no issue with much of the crap that actually is offensive on these social networking sites!

Primary Use = Breast

Popular Use = Boob

Really, which is obscene?

Once Again, A Blow is Struck Against Tolerance

2012-02-02T16:52:00.001-05:00

Our country was founded on a view of tolerance. It is well known that many came here seeking religious freedom... and that doesn't just mean Christian freedom. Some of the founding fathers were mono-theistic but a group of them were also poly-theistic in their beliefs. In looking at the bigger picture, they looked at the future of a new land that could build a new nation, one of the founding ideals was the importance of tolerance of all sorts of beliefs. There is no doubt, through different times this country has become more Christian fundamentalist, just as now there is a movement away from that and more of an acceptance of all different types of beliefs, or, at the very least, the RIGHT of the individual to have their own beliefs. If you think about it, tolerance is actually the balancing of others rights with our own personal rights. And that is something the vocal minority is forgetting, instead they have moved to intolerance, often encroaching on the silent majorities rights instead. So comes the story, in my opinion, out of a small community in Rhode Island.

The New York Times (as well as The Today Show) reported the story of a 16-year-old atheist teen (Jessica Ahlquist) who has won a lawsuit to have a prayer removed from the wall of her high school auditorium. "The prayer, eight feet tall, is papered onto the wall in the Cranston West auditorium, near the stage. It has hung there since 1963, when a seventh grader wrote it as a sort of moral guide and that year’s graduating class presented it as a gift." The prayer is simplistic and speaks of moral value stating, “grant us each day the desire to do our best, to grow mentally and morally as well as physically, to be kind and helpful.” Ahlquist, a former Catholic who lost her faith at the age of ten because God disappointed her, claims that the prayer was an "affront" to her, making her feel bad about herself every time she saw it. The state supreme court agreed and has an order enforcing the removal of this part of school history from the wall, stating that this allows for separation of church and state AND tolerance for all.

Excuse me? Can anyone explain how this an example of tolerance for all? I happen to find this very offensive.... that words that are directed towards moral encouragement are consider offensive to someone else just because there is "God" involved in them. Do other religions not have Gods in which they pray to as well? And because someone doesn't hold a few of God/Gods within their belief system, why do their rights supersede all who do believe?

And where does it stop? I guess this young woman should reconsider getting a job in the future, making money or spending money for that matter. Does spending money make her feel bad about herself? You see, after all, every dollar bill that passes through her hands bears the tag line "In God We Trust" ... even the national Supreme Court buliding proclaims the same thing. Now, that makes ME feel bad, that buildings and governments that so widely push the view of tolerance can put down such a ruling of intolerance.

I see a lot of things every single day that offend me! In fact, they offend my very personal views of morality and justice. I am offended there are people who are perfectly capable of working and won't living off the hard-earned tax dollars of others. I am offended that poverty stricken people can't get decent healthcare and the overly wealthy find loopholes to not even pay taxes. I am offended that the politicians that write our laws have no idea what it is like to struggle from day to day like the average citizen. I am offended that there are people who want to scream about the rights of political prisoners and yet don't give a rat's behind about the state of our soldiers and their families. AND I am offended that a group of religious nuts have the right to hold signs saying horrible things at the funeral of young soldiers who have died in battle and yet this little prayer on a wall of a high school has no right to be displayed. I have a feeling that our founding fathers would be pretty darn disappointed at the lack of tolerance that has taken over this nation. But I guess Jessica Ahlquist can be pretty proud of herself, the prayer is coming down. I guess that makes her feel better about herself.

Source: NYT Online

And, She is Back .... Even Alive

2012-02-01T13:40:00.002-05:00

The "she" being me.... I am here, I haven't written in over a week. Well, technically that isn't true, I have actually written a lot lately, it is just all of it is stored in the draft folder for the time being. I have been a bit hit and miss on getting thoughts down, but that isn't surprising with the way has been a little crazy. It is all okay, I am just trying to get things under control.

The family is settled in with us now for just a bit and I have to admit, it is pretty cool to have the grandbabies so close. Tannis is changing so quickly and it is fun to see it and Drake is like living with the 24 hour a day entertainment channel, there is never a dull moment. I think the most special time, and I know it might seem silly, is bedtime. To see two little clean munchkins all clean and in jammies ready for bed. That good night kiss just can melt your heart. Morgan and Justin are doing such a good job with them. They are lucky to have such good parents, then again, as parents they are lucky to have such wonderful children!

Our neighbor brought Drake over a swingset and he is in heaven. So cool to be able to watch him play and master pumping his feet while he swings. He is going to be all grown before we know it.

I am excited about Superbowl. I can't wait to see the Patriots take home the championship. Of course, Superbowl means a huge party at our friends and I am looking forward to it. Should be fun. I think it will be time for me to wear my Patriots jersey to work. Time to show my pride, I just hope Brady and the crew don't let me down, that could be embarrassing! I like those Manning boys but this is the Superbowl and I am ready for my team to have another ring!

Before You Can Trust, You Must Believe (MOW)

2012-01-24T21:03:00.000-05:00

I tossed around so many words. My One Word time is upon me again and I took this year's selection very seriously. In the last few years I have picked words that really worked for me, and one that simply did not. As the end of January loomed over me, I had become more restless in simply waiting for my choice to show itself. I didn't think I would ever find my word...

I thought I had one a couple days ago. It seemed right, it seemed a bit hard but that is the point of My One Word, to find something that will help you grow and become better. I even looked up the meaning of the word I had and its origin so I could decide if it was right.... and then an incident happened last night that clearly changed my mind - immediately. My One Word came to me and I feel a bit more at ease about growing this year. When it happens like that, it is easier to be confident and sure about my one word.

Actually two words came to me at the same time - Trust and Believe. I thought about them, again looking up the words and even breaking them down and I came to the conclusion that before you can come to "trust," you first have to "believe." This is true in almost all things, from relationships to religion, to competition, to career, to raising children and more. I have many areas of my life that need adjusting, reorganizing and even a good polishing. To do that I have to believe in myself, what I am doing, in a higher power, and believe in those around me who support me.

Once I learn to believe, then I can begin to trust. To trust you have to have knowledge ....and that comes from believing. I believe this word is going to work for me.

BELIEVE

: "to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, or ability of something"

Merriam Webster

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him
must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. ..."

Hebrews 11:6

He is Steven Tyler, What Do You Expect?

2012-01-23T13:50:00.004-05:00

I expected it, from the first note I knew there would be complaints, maybe even outrage and certainly a huge amount of tweets about it; Steven Tyler "sings" the National Anthem at the AFC Championship game. And it happened. Every single major network and sports organization has weighed in on it on the web. The radio was a buzz with the story this morning, complete with callers giving their two cents. Seems all that have seen or heard Tyler's rendetion of the song has an opinion, and well, here is mine.... I am okay with it, in fact, with all the context figured in, I think it was fine, and it was very NFL and very Steven Tyler.

People are criticizing the selection of Tyler for the opening, asking "why him?" Why Tyler? Because he is from Boston, he is a huge New England fan, and, right now, despite his age, he is hip, cool and definitely marketable. I will take a bet that 99% of the people that heard him introduced, both on the field and on TV, knew who he was by just his name, and certainly they knew once they heard his very distinctive voice. I wonder what the percentages were for the lady with the beautiful voice that opened the NFC Championship game? I didn't know her, not one person I have asked has known who she was. And yes, her voice was beautiful, but her performance didn't outweigh Tyler's to me, especially when I factor in her fairly long and slightly overdone presentation.

The National Anthem is an extremely hard song to perform and to do it flawlessly it has to be done in the very style it was written, no deviation. Few can do that, and with the range covered, few really want to do that. Adjusting the song to your individual abilities is what most people do, from the high school girl singing it to open a football game to a celebrity such as Tyler. And I feel he sang it in true Tyler/Aerosmith style. They knew who they were getting when they hired Tyler and he delivered. Had they contracted Michael Buble, he would have performed it in his style, which probably would have been classically beautiful (and not really NFL style). However, hire him to perform "Walk this Way" or "Sweet Emotion" and you probably aren't going to like the style he does it in.

I know many say the National Anthem is an exception when it comes to vocal performances, believing it should only be done one way, but I think that actually goes against the principles of the country it represents. Yes, at a military funeral, an awards ceremony or an armed forces event I do think that it should be done in a formal manner, but the rest of the time it is up to the artist, to some degree. If people can drape themselves in the American flag or wear it as a patch across their behind, then an artist should be able to perform it in his or her style. And yes, there is a fine line, so many can remember the simply nasty performance given before a baseball game by Rosanne Barr. She pretty much botched and made fun of the entire custom and song, and the promoters that hired her should have realized that might happen judging on her track record. Was that what they really wanted, I hope not, but the exception of having class in dealing with the song was there, and she sure didn't live up to it.

Sing on Steven, with that distinctive voice, even when you botch a word, or miss a note, I would still give you the golden ticket and send you to Hollywood!

Photo Credit

Political Correctness = Total Stupidity in a Utah

2012-01-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

NOTICE: an added bit of being totally politically correct has been added at the bottom....

Today is a huge day for the pride of colors and mascots. As I type this I am waiting for the start of the AFC championship game clothed in the colors of the Patriots, proudly donning my #12 jersey. In households, restaurants and sports bars all over this country fans can be seen dressed in red/white/blue, purple/black, blue/white and red/gold. On top of that, the mascots will be visible in the form of logos and printed labels, most notably for me, Patriot's Flying Elvis. A mascot is a huge part of a team pride, it is a unifying symbol that is recognized without even a spoken word. And to this end, schools have always embraced a mascot to represent them in all phases, from academic to sports accomplishments.

Mascots have, of recent, some controversy. Many schools have changed or had to fight the changing of their mascots when it was thought to be offensive to a certain demographics such as the Native Americans. Redskins, Indians, Braves, Chiefs, Seminoles, and more have all had to face this fight. Some schools decided to change, others state that a mascot is a symbol of pride and honor and have kept their identity. Other things have come into question when it comes to school mascots as well. High schools across the county have debated the use of Devils or Demons because of the negative or evil connotations. Even a local high school dealt with the fight when choosing a mascot. The school's incoming student body voted on a selection of mascots provided by the school board and picked The Titans. This choice was protested by some members of the community because it "felt" too gender specific. They wanted a gender neutral mascot and presented the Dolphins as an alternative. Thankfully the school board held strong and it seems much more exciting to wear a Trask Titans' jersey than a Trask Dolphins' one. So the controversy has played on when any new school is created and these choices have to be made. Common sense usually allows things to play out properly and students, as with the Trask Titans, are able to choose an appropriate mascot to be proud of; that is, unless you are a student at Corner Canyon High in Draper, Utah.

The story came out last week that "future students at a high school had their choice of mascot — a cougar — rejected by the school district because it could be seen as offensive to older women....With 23 percent of the vote, the cougar was the top pick for the mascot, but board members of the Canyons School District expressed concerns over the appropriateness of using a mascot title that, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, can be used as a slang word for 'a middle-aged woman seeking a romantic relationship with a younger man.'"

Has common sense totally taken a leave of absence from society today? Have we become so sensitive to offending or, in this case, possibly giving someone something to complain about, that we can't use a time-honored sports animal mascot because of its association with some pop culture slang? The school district ultimately went with the Chargers (a war horse) for Corner Canyon High School. A Charger is a fine mascot and I am sure the school will embrace it proudly, but that isn't the point. The point is the student body was given a choice, they spoke, and then someone that is so politically sensitive that they couldn't keep their mouth shut had to cause a stir. Personally, I think (even as a woman of the age mentioned) that it is offensive that this connotation was even considered much less used to make this final decision. If this trend is allowed to continue, we are looking at a slippery slope in cultural trends. Really, what is next, we are going to have to change the very definition of being American? That famous ideal as "American as Apple Pie" - well, I find it offensive. Why? We all know now because of the famous movie franchise that an apple pie is not used just as a great dessert at the end of a good meal.... Actually, it might not be long before we see bakeries featuring such tasty adult toys. You never know, that might happen in your neighborhood. Better be careful how you define yourself as American.

For goodness sakes people, WAKE UP, if we keep worrying about offending every special little offensive feeling that SOMEONE has, the cogs of life are going to grind to a halt or end up with life having no color, everything has to be the same, and for goodness sakes, make sure it is bland as heck as well.

Go Cougars, well, Chargers, good luck on picking what your mascot will look like, make sure that horse doesn't look too masculine or feminine for that matter. Perhaps he needs to be a stallion with the school colors being pink and black .... maybe you can please all the people.... nah, I don't think so.

****EDIT******
I came across another story today that really makes me wonder if people don't have something better to do than go around making sure anything media produced doesn't offend someone. The story comes form MSNBC.com and reads:

In a funny, if shocking, scene in the trailer for the upcoming stop-action movie, "The Pirates! Band of Misfits," the pirate captain acrobatically swings onto a ship, pulls his sword, and announces that he plans to plunder the ship's gold."Gold? Afraid we don't have any gold, old man" a sailor tells them. "This is a leper boat." And -- THUNK -- his arm falls off.

But you won't be seeing that scene when the 3-D movie hits theaters April 27. The British organization "Leprosy is not an easy disease to catch, it is curable, those affected should live within mainstream society and no – limbs don’t just fall off. Not even for comic effect." Aardman Animations, the makers of "The Pirates!", listened to the group and issued a statement saying "after reviewing the matter, we decided to change the scene out of respect and sensitivity for those who suffer from leprosy.

Maybe it is just me, but really? I have true feelings and understanding of those who suffer from chronic diseases, but it seems nothing can be said without offending some these days!

Childbirth Does Not Create Parents

2012-01-21T19:40:00.001-05:00

An blurb in the online celebrity magazine Crush reports on Connor Cruise's 17th birthday party - a huge bash of food, friends, music and money. Why would they report on the birthday party of someone who most have never heard of? Because the party was for the oldest son of both Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Pictured with Connor was the divorced couple's oldest daughter as well, 19-year-old Bella Cruise. The Headline reads, "Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's Kids Make a Rare Public Appearance Together." It seems these two children of mega stars have taken a more elusive path than their parents, and even younger siblings, including the often photographed Suri, Cruise's daughter from his marriage to actress turned fashion designer Katie Holmes.

The article basically summarized the party and the family relations, and this is where I encountered my objection to what was written. Throughout the article when referencing the two oldest Cruise children they are prefaced with the word "adopted." Yes, both of these children were adopted by Cruise and Kidman; yes, most anyone that has followed any sort of pop culture in the last 20 years knows they are adopted; and yes, both of their parents also have biological children now as well. That is not the point, by continually referencing the term "adoptive" it leaves the reader with the feeling that these two children are not quite "real children" of Cruise and Kidman, at least not like their biological siblings are. In a time where the norm for a family is no longer two parents, 2.5 children, a white picket fence and dog but rather a blended family of sorts, it seems almost an offensive term to continually refer someone as an "adopted child."

I suppose I am a bit sensitive to the subject, and it is no wonder, I am a product of an ultimate blended, even non-traditional family, and yet, until it was pointed out to me, I never realized it. I am the only child by my parent's marriage. That makes me an only child, but not really. My father brought into his marriage with my mother his two children from his first marriage, my older brother and sister. My older siblings spent summer and holidays with their biological mother but primarily they lived with me and my parents where my mother raised them just as she did me. They weren't my "half" brother or "half" sister, they were simply my big brother and sister. I didn't even know what that term was until I was ten or eleven where a mean little snot-nosed brat in the neighborhood explained it to me. I was crushed, I didn't realized I didn't have a "real" brother and sister like the rest of my friends until this point was made to me and it hurt.

Once the information sunk in (it isn't like no one had never told me, I knew we didn't share a mother in some sense but didn't really analyze it) I also realized that nothing had changed, they were still just my brother and sister. I also knew they had brothers and a sister that they didn't live with, but those were their siblings as well, and in that, somehow they felt related to me. My father, although divorced three times, has a wonderful knack of maintaining a good relationship with his ex-wives. My mother and my older siblings' mother always got along and now (I realize) co-parented rather nicely. My Dad's ex treated me as my mom treated her children, even buying presents at the the holidays or having me spend the night. Considering all of this, the older I got, the more I disliked the term "half-sibling." I simply recognized having older siblings.

The blending of my family continued even after I became an adult. My father remarried and adopted his wife's two young children. All of the sudden I was no longer the baby of the family but rather an older sister to an 8-year-old sister and 4-year-old brother. My father and their mother are no longer married and they have grown up, but the fact remains, they are my younger siblings. Not only are they my siblings, my younger brother has given me a beautiful niece and nephew and my younger sister will be having my newest nephew/niece this June. These babies are my family, just as their parents are my siblings, not my ADOPTED siblings. (my father and my siblings - front, left to right - me, my Dad, my older sister Jennifer. back, left to right my younger brother Scott, my older brother Richard, my younger sister Bridgette).

I know many families who have experienced infertility problems and have adopted a child after years of heartbreak. I know of a family that has three beautiful biological children and have adopted three beautiful children from another race and country (pictured - the Bestul Family). There are children in families that were conceived from sperm banks or carried by surrogate mothers. And, of course, I know of plenty of families (some within our family) that have step-children, half-siblings and even cousins or younger siblings living with older siblings being raised as a single family. In any of these cases, I don't see the label adoptive, half, biological, or step being used, I see families.

In a world where more and more we are divided from politics to religion, race or gender, economic or social standing, and more, do we really need another way to disenfranchise us? Family is family, do we really have to define a relationship by whose body the human being came from? Is parental love to be defined differently by genes? When a baby is born so is a parent, not necessarily by the body it came from or the chromosomes it owns, but by the arms that embrace him or her and the heart the grows that much bigger by being loved by a child, that is how Mommies and Daddies are born - that is family.

SOURCE MATERIAL
PHOTO CREDIT

Heck yes, it affected me, it affects us all.

2012-01-17T13:33:00.003-05:00

I heard a question asked today on some television show, "did your mother's mental illness affect you growing up?" The answer, by whoever was being asked the question, was "I don't know, it was simply the only thing I knew." That statement rang so true in me because of my family history with mental illness and it prompted me to deep thought. I also had been thinking on the subject because of a local story that had come from a national magazine. It dealt with mental illness in the life of the man that coached Michael Jordan in high school.

Mental illness is no different medically than diabetes, hypothyroidism, or kidney disease, yet it comes with complications and stigma that make it something often no one wants to talk about. With mental illness the chemical reactions are changed in the brain in such a way that it causes actions and thoughts not found within a "normal person." Just as sugar reacts differently in diabetics, dopamine or serotonin react differently in a mentally ill person. With all our medical knowledge and the information network out there, we should be past our fear of the mentally ill, but we aren't. Living or dealing with a mentally ill family member can be tiring on the caretaker and, when society around them is not accepting, it is tough on everyone.

And, with society's views on mental illness being so skewed, the mentally ill often end up in financial, physical, and legal trouble. The case of this has been highlighted with events that have played out locally over the past two weeks. Clifton "Pop" Herring was Michael Jordan's high school basketball coach. By the folklore produced by Micheal Jordan, he was the famous coach that "cut him from his high school team" - upsetting Jordan and making him work even harder to prove him wrong. The truth of the events that happened were featured earlier this month in a Sport's Illustrated article in which the reporter set the record straight and included an extensive interview with Herring. In this article, not only is the truth of Jordan being cut debunked (he was not cut, Jordan at 5'10" his first year of high school was simply kept on the JV team in favor of a 6'3" sophomore who made varsity), it is detailed that Jordan's former coach suffered from mental illness (paranoid schizophrenia), something that ran in his family. After Jordan left, showing little appreciation for the coach who for three years encouraged and tutored him, Herring's life began to unwind due to his mental illness. During the small contact that Jordan had with Herring over the years, it would be hoped that the former Coach's decline would be noticed and help could be found for him. Jordan, after all, had unlimited resources to help a man that basically had nothing. But it seems (according to the article) whatever contact Jordan had with Herring over the years, it was negative and led to even more decline. Plain and simple, often people of any stature don't know how to deal with a mentally ill associate.

Unable to hold a job and left without help for his problems, Coach Herring lost his financial and family base and has declined downhill ever since. When the reporter found him, he was basically living in squalor with several others who come and go at will. He is unkempt and dependent on alcohol, which many mentally ill patients are, as they "self medicate." The article cleared the air about one of basketball's most famous fallacies, but it left the reader knowing Coach Herring's life was on the fast tract to destruction if some sort of help was not found.

Despite the article highlighting his plight, help couldn't come soon enough. This past Friday Herring was arrested for "resisting, delaying and obstructing" an arrest in connection to a man who he had provided shelter. The man is accused of a brutal rape, murder, and burying of a young mother behind the place where Herring resides. In a SI follow-up article by Thomas Lake he states, "There are many questions still to be answered about this case, and they have nothing to do with basketball. But the case is also the most extreme example of the desperate circumstances Herring has faced since he fell into mental illness and substance abuse almost 30 years ago." It is a situation of such sadness, highlighting that people (even famous, mega-star people) often are in contact with the mentally ill and either don't know of their plight or don't know how to handle them, therefore they simply disconnect from the individuals. And when society turns their back on you and you aren't lucky enough to have family, or perhaps a former player, that understands and provides you with a way to get help, life no longer can be lived in a normal manner.

I am not saying it was Jordan's responsibility to take on the care of his former coach, but I do question the way in which Jordan treated him (and several others). By twisting events and situations, allowing Jordan to carry a huge begrudging chip on his shoulder, he used others to increase the image of how hard it was to make it to the top. In stepping on people along with way, he tarnished, perhaps even ruined reputations. Herring's mental illness made him particularly vulnerable to this negative side effect of Jordan's fame, providing an extreme example of the plight of the mentally ill when help is not readily available. Perhaps such a public failure of society will shine a little awareness on the plight of the mentally ill. Herring was a man that not only taught and coached Michael Jordan but several hundred others over the years. As an educator he gave to society, but society has not returned the favor for him. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to have family or a support system that can be there for him. I wonder, had he been the victim of liver or kidney disease, if help might not have come sooner and much easier. I saw on Facebook the other day a plea for professional quarterback Tom Brady's high school coach. He needs a kidney (or liver, don't remember which) to survive and Brady is publicly making a plea for help for him. I don't think I can remember ever seeing someone famous making a plea for the mentally ill. It is all a matter of perception of what is real illness and what isn't.

Growing up under the umbrella of mental illness in my family, as the woman interviewed on television said, I never knew anything else. Perhaps that is what makes me not fear it but strive to understand it. I ache for those afflicted with it. Untreated, non-medicated mental illness is not normal just as diabetes or asthma is not a normal body state, but by giving medicines the trouble is kept at bay, so it goes for mental illness. We have a healthcare crisis in this country and, on the lists of immediate needs, mental illness seems to be at the bottom of concern. As a society we should be concerned, statistics show that nearly everyone will encounter a mentally illness person in their lifetime. Wouldn't it be nice, if we could make some sort of difference? A kind word, a gentle nudge, even the ability to find some sort of help could help not just one life but the lives of all around the mentally ill person. For Coach Pop Herring, I hope time hasn't run out. Perhaps Tom Brady can call Michael Jordan and give him a suggestion or two on looking out for those who helped on the way up. Until then Coach Pop Herring will be sitting in the local jail, waiting on his court date because he hasn't got the funds to bond out ($300); what he really needs is to be is in a hospital receiving treatment for his disease.

Additional articles/links:

Photo of Michael Jordan and Coach Herring

No, It's Not About God, Beliefs, or Blessings, It's About Football

2012-01-15T15:18:00.001-05:00

The headline reads:

Tebow's Symbolic Number Adds to Playoff Drama

The story reads that Tebow's performance could be more than just about football....

"The Denver Broncos quarterback led his team to a playoff victory against the heavily-favored Pittsburgh Steelers. He finished the game in dramatic fashion, with an 80-yard touchdown pass in overtime... Those 80 yards brought Tebow's passing total to 316 for the game. Completing 10 of his 21 passes, it broke down to an average of 31.6 yards each... The peak television ratings during the overtime? According to Bloomberg, a 31.6."

The reference of course (as explained in the article) is that of the scripture John 3:16 which has been a long staple of fan seating posters at athletic events. The message is important, the scripture significant, and, as a Christian, certainly something I can appreciate. However, also as a Christian and a football fan, I have come to resent implications that have come from articles and media coverage such as this, not to mention the frenzy it has created with Tebow himself.

Let me first say this has nothing to do with how I feel about Tim Tebow. I respect him for the stance he takes, I appreciate also that, at times, I am sure it was hard to be so openly Christian with extremely fundamental conservative views. I also appreciate that he seems genuinely sincere in his beliefs and feelings and, with the exception of one thing he has said (imho), he appears to be very humble as well. I like the fact that he is a positive role model for many and he is aware of this, keeping his actions in a way that would not bring reproach on that image. No, my problem is not with Tebow, it is with how he has been portrayed and used by certain groups and the media for an agenda, or even more, for hype and publicity - to sell.

I like the Broncos, I like the season they had, and like many, I appreciated the level they reached with Tebow despite his basic weaknesses as a quarterback. They took everything and did more than most expected with it. I do admit to not pulling for them last night as they were playing my Patriots and I wanted nothing more than my team to put down a deceive win, as they did. That said, it has been fun to watch the Bronco's season unfold, until they got close to the playoffs, then the atmosphere seemed to change. Articles, such as the one above, began to appear and suggestions were made that Tebow's less than outstanding skills as a quarterback might possibly be supplemented by his spiritual convictions. While not directly said, there was implications that because Tebow is an outspoken Christian, bring his beliefs with him everywhere, including the playing field, God might be blessing his efforts more than that of others.

Tebow has brought a visibility to Christianity, he has showed that one can be openly Christian and hold to their values in a business than is often considered lumped in with sinful things (beer, betting, loose women, foul language, bad tempers, etc). He has proved successful in a social demographic where he went against the norm and surely was presented with negative peer pressure along the way. But what I am sure Tebow has not brought with him (as I believe he would agree) is God and Jesus converting to being exclusive Broncos fans. And that is the implication I resent and have been hearing as of late. I also have felt some negative vibes given that if you don't like Tebow, you must not be a good Christian; to be a good football fan and a good Christian, you have to agree with Tebow's ideals, choices, and worst of all, the REASON for his success.

And this ultimate support and Tebow craze can't help but lead to questions. If Tebow had been Jewish and openly forward with his beliefs, would he have garnered the same attention? If he had been Muslim and followed strictly with the tradition of publicly kneeling and praying in a certain direction at certain times, even requiring the woman that would be his future wife to wear the head-covering, would we have tee shirts with his double-kneed kneeling silhouettes on them? I think the answer would be "no." I am sure, on the field yesterday there were plenty of Christians playing for both the Broncos and the Patriots, there probably were a number of Muslims, Jews, and even atheists, and I am also pretty sure, God (of whatever belief) didn't have a bet on either team.

I always have appreciated the pre-game prayer in the locker room. Being around athletics as I have for many years now, I know it is an important part of the activities of the game. While we know of the separation of church and state, prayer goes on in high school and college locker rooms all over the country. What I have always appreciated most is not the asking of God's blessing on the team for a win but rather the blessing of a good, fair, and most importantly safe game for all the players. Honestly, that is what the wish of any religious, or even lack of religious blessing should be.

Along that same line, that is why I dislike the implied media stories and opinions that Tim Tebow has attain the career success he has because he has God's blessings. I respect Tebow for his kneeling, giving thanks to God, it is his faith and I respect the fact that it means enough to him to do it, not just now when it has given him a unique celebrity status, but certainly at times in his earlier career where it probably earned him ribbing and snickers at the very least. But for articles to break down his stats and assign them holy significance or for his accomplishments to be earned from divine intervention bothers me. Even more than that, it bothers me when the media assigns a good verses evil connotation because of Tebow's belief. Before the game against Pittsburgh there where headlines that read something like "Who Will Win, The Virgin Verses the Womanizer." Does Tebow deserve to be deified and Rothensburger vilified on the field because of religious or personal beliefs off the field. Even more so, who should get the deserved recognition in an athletic team endeavor? Today's ESPN online headline states: "49ers Top Saints in a Thriller * Pats Oust Tebow." NO! It seems when I watched the game last night, Tebow managed to bring a full offensive and defensive team with him, even a few special teams too.

The press/media is always the first to cry freedom of speech and then jump behind the tenets of the separation of church and state as well... So, professional athletics may not be considered "state" but the policy of removing the pre-game prayer and other such holy things (of any belief) seem to be the accepted policy, therefore I would think the coverage should focus on Tebow's football skills in his win/loss column not on whether God is a Bronco's fan, or perhaps, as seemed to be the case last night, a Patriots/Brady fan. It is, after all, FOOTBALL, not church, even when it is on Sunday.

Spoiled Culinary Indulgence

2012-01-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

Last night, due to an appointment that went long, I got home later than expected. With my return to work and the change in my schedule I am adjusting to working everything into a shorter time frame. Being late meant I had to rethink my dinner plans. I didn't have time to make what was originally on the menu. I looked through the refrigerator, not bothering with the freezer because I knew there was no time to unthaw anything, even in the microwave. Nothing seemed to work so I moved to my first cabinet, the canned goods. Because we are trying so hard to get back to eating healthy, that cabinet was pretty bare and offered no solutions. I moved on to our last food storage area where we keep cereal, pasta, dried goods and sauces, surely there was something there; no luck. I was hungry, I really was and yet we had "nothing to eat" in the house.

As I opened the fridge yet again, the phrase "nothing to eat" came to mind and I realized that really is a common mantra heard over and over again in the kitchens of America. We are one of the richest nations in the world, and definitely the most obese, and yet we are all complaining that we can't find a thing to eat in stocked cupboards and refrigerators. This point was further driven home when I decided on what I would make for dinner. Occasionally, when nothing is defrosted or prepared, I will make breakfast for dinner. Sounds easy enough but I am picky about it. Breakfast in the morning means anything I can throw in a skillet or toaster oven, but when I cook it in the evening it must include a breakfast meat, eggs, and at least one breakfast sort of bread (toast, biscuits, muffins, pancakes, waffles, etc...). To my discouragement I realized we didn't have any refrigerated biscuits, no english muffins and, even though we did have pancake/waffle mix, we had no syrup which eliminated those choices too. The only thing suitable I could find was two pieces of bread to work with.

Any other evening I would have scratched the breakfast selections and gone with soup and sandwiches but we didn't have any soup and there were only two pieces of bread, so sandwiches were out. Out came the pans, it was time to make some food. I was still disturbed about the two bread slice limit but I thought I could make it work. I popped the bread in the toaster and got busy scrambling the eggs. I didn't notice that the toaster hadn't popped until it was too late, yup, the bread was not toasted beautiful golden brown but the dark foreboding grit of ALMOST burnt black. When this sort of thing happened when I was a kid my mother would simply take out a butter knife and scrape off the burnt, ... like that got rid of it. Maybe the color was better but the taste was still the same. I hate burnt toast, but because of my mother doing such things, I have long since learned how to "fix" and make it edible - it is called jelly!

The fact that I would consider not making breakfast for dinner, or even worse, I actually considered trashing the whole meal because I had burned two pieces of breakfast bread didn't seem odd to me, well, at the time. The toast was scrapped and the meal was consumed and thoughts were turned elsewhere until a few hours later when I was thinking about the food we did have in the cabinets and I realized how spoiled I was, how we as an society have become spoiled in our culinary choices.

I had looked in our kitchen, through cabinets and a refrigerator that had numerous cans, boxes, packages, meat, veggies and more and I had decided we didn't have anything to eat. In truth, we had PLENTY to eat. By the standards of most countries, even poverty stricken areas in our out country, I had the spoils of wealth residing in my kitchen and yet I acted as if I had nearly nothing, like we were going to simply starve from malnutrition. Yup, I am guilty, as our most in this country. Even when we believe we have nearly nothing when it comes to food, the truth is we probably have more food in kitchen right now than some families in third world countries have in a month. We are spoiled, like my complaints with the toast, food has become something we are picky about. How often, down through history, did meals consist of the same thing every night and people were happy to have bowls of gruel, bread and warm beer, and sometimes it wasn't even available every day, three square ones. I don't even like leftovers for goodness sakes!

Even when I believe life is difficult, the truth is, it is pretty darn good. We live in a place where we have climate controlled housing, indoor plumbing, and good clean water. There are cars in our driveway (which also have climate control) that take us to a (climate controlled) job that is good paying and has restrictions that keep us from being abused. We have medical care available and we are allowed to worship in the way we choose. AND we have food available to us to eat all the time. No, it might not be what we want to eat at that moment, but there is always enough food in our kitchen to feed us and keep us from going hungry. We are blessed, and anything more than that we asked in our food is just being culinary spoiled.

Momma Took My Kodachrome Away

2012-01-11T11:41:00.000-05:00

From the time I could push a shutter button, I have had a camera in my hands. The ability to catch a single moment in time on a piece of paper and revisit it for times to come touched my soul. Perhaps it is because I am the one in the family that holds on to memories, origin and history. Every family has someone referred to as the "historian" of such, my aunt is the same way. These individuals are the ones that take, sort and save photographs, special mementos, family jewelry and more. I am like that and I suspect Drake is going to be the same way. At two and half I have already given him his first camera and he has begun to record his life. Of course Drake's recordings are all on a small SD Card able to hold up to 1,000 images. He will experience a freedom with his camera that I never had, never worrying about taking a bad picture.

I didn't have the luxury of shooting 15, 20, or more shots to get a good one. My first experience with a camera was an interlocking one with film as well, a single roll of Kodachrome film that saved my images. Kodachrome was the first film created to capture color images. Up until then mirrors, tripods and filters had to be used to even come close to making a color imagine, much less multicolored ones. For the most part the only way to preserve a portrait or a street scene with a camera was in black and white. In 1935 Kodak Eastman, already a leader in the photography and film business, introduced Kodachrome and the world of color pictures opened up to everyone. Kodak also created a popular and affordable Instamatic camera and eventually was a leader in all forms of film production. The public was given the freedom to record their lives permanently without having to go to a studio and pay a high price.

While Kodak has had many different times of film throughout the years, the standard in vibrant, clear and perfect images has always been their roll of Kodachrome. Fuji, the early 1980s started a real run at overtaking the film industry from Kodak, and they nearly did, but still, when professional photographers wanted to shoot a quality image, Kodachrome was the film they turned to. It has, forever, been the standard of the industry.

But every industry often will meet its slow death with the advance of technology and this fate has finally come to the iconic film and its maker Kodak. Just a couple weeks ago it was determined that they last rolls of Kodachrome will be processed in a small town in the middle of nowhere. There, the remaining lab in the world that can process Kodachrome is closing down its film processing. This unannounced, unnoticed event was the dark foreshadowing of the Kodak's own troubled future. Just this past week, Kodak has filed for bankruptcy and the future looks bleak for them to raise the money for reorganization to bring the company back to life.

The digital age has changed photography as much as it has changed communication. No longer is getting the perfect shot on the first try a must. We can try and try again, and well, if then we still can't do it, we can just photoshop it to be what we want it to be. Megapixels have replaced film and removed the cost from the process. Fuji saw the technological change coming in time and started changing over to accomadate their business. Once the biggest producer in the film industry (they overtook Kodak in quanity but not quality), they make almost no film now in comparison; however, if you have photos printed at Walmart, Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS or any other thousands of local retail labs and you will most likely see "Fuji" stamped on the back of the print somewhere. They moved their primary business from film to paper and have survived the digital revolution.

It is with sadness that most professional photographers like myself, trained and experienced first in the time of film, accept Kodak's demise. There will be debates for a long time, especially within the industry, over the better process, which creates better prints. Debate or not, it doesn't really matter, film photography has become and antiquated and go the way of horse and buggy compared to the automobile. It might remain a quaint art that some will pass down through families but, for the most part, it will no longer play a role in the average persons recording of family events and memories.

As for me, I will hang on to those film cameras and little yellow canisters for a little longer. While my camera bag only carries digital equipment and and my film backs are stored in up on the shelves, I still can't part with them. Perhaps some day Drake or Tannis will want to take them down and literally "give them a shot" and find a darkroom to watch the magic of an image appear in the green glow. But, the realization is there:

Momma, they have taken my Kodachrome away and digital is certainly here to stay.

Not Just My Walk But the Walk of Many More.

2012-01-08T18:26:00.001-05:00

Today I witnessed the start of something new and exciting. It isn't often people get a chance to see something from the ground up, but today I did. Now, let me preface this by saying I am a very open-minded person and I don't think that religion, politics, money, or several other subjects are for all people, in fact, anyone of those subjects can really turn off people, and that is every person's right, so keep that in mind while reading if you will....

We got up this morning and drove about 25 miles just to go to church. Doesn't make much sense, does it, especially when our regular church is less than 10 miles away (no, we don't live close to ANYTHING), but today we did have a reason to drive farther. January 8, 2012 was the date set for the opening of the satellite campus for Port City Community Church (PC3) in Wilmington. The new location is over the bridge and in Leland. PC3Leland has been planned and in the works for about a year now (I think) and today the doors opened to exceptionally large and unexpected numbers.

The feel of the service is much like it was when we first started going to PC3 years ago when it was meeting in the rented auditorium of a local middle school. The temporary curtains, portable audio equipment and boxes of children's materials were clearly visible, but the message, it was just the same as it was years ago or just as it was when we attended Christmas Eve services in the multimillion dollar building just weeks ago. You see, as the service reminded today, the church isn't about the building, the accommodations, the equipment or the sound quality of the band, it isn't even about the pastor, it is about the message, and that has never changed.

We do have a family connection to the Leland campus and it is nice to know I came away with such a positive feeling about everything there. Then again, everyone who attended had a connection, or at least I would hope so. Every Sunday across our country many people go to worship. Each must find their best way, best place, and best time to come to what their heart is telling them. It is nice to know that, for those who have decided to worship in a way of not only their Christian beliefs but also with the mission of helping others with their own walk with God, there is yet another place to meet and worship - Welcome Port City Community Church in Leland.

Photo credit: top - Justin Phaneuf, bottom - Julie Ashcraft (via Sarah Beakes).

A Simple "What For"

2012-01-05T21:09:00.002-05:00

No soapbox to crawl up on, nothing that makes you go "hummm" when you read it, not even a witty little diddy.... just a simple blog of the mundane. All is well here and tomorrow is the last official day of my vacation. I can't believe I am returning to work on Monday, it makes me a bit sad. I am lucky, I like the people I work with, they are my friends, and my job is truly awesome, but even still, time off is precious. I had promised myself I would get several things accomplished over this break, and like all breaks in the past, I didn't get anywhere near all of them done. I did however accomplish one big thing, I started writing again. It has paid off too, my blog has gone from MAYBE 25 or 30 hits a day to sometimes over 500 hits a day. I couldn't believe it.... I guess people actually like to read what I write!

I have, as well, started to organize my life, set priorities and clean out some of the extra (unneeded) baggage - emotionally, physically and financially. This has meant giving up on some things that, in the past, were very important to me, and also for me to focus on me. I know focusing on me seems a very selfish act but I am learning that, in all actuality, it is far from that. Until I can take care of me, learn what I want, what strengths (and weakness) I have, there isn't any way I can give those the best of me. It is a growing process, and I am proof we are always growing, even at my age.

I did make today very useful. I cleaned a bunch, leaving my house very tidy and smelling good. I cooked a stuffed turkey and made grilled veggies to go along with it. I got an extra workout in. I even went for a drive in my car and snagged a McDonald's sweet tea along the way (don't judge me, sweet tea is something I have never given up, even during my quest for health and fitness). I almost made an apple pie but I am really trying to put a hold on the junk food and sweets and I want, more than much of anything, to see the scale on a downward direction when I weigh this Saturday. Working out is too hard for it to not show results when I step on that scale.

Tomorrow I have a few goals, most of which do not include me leaving this house until the evening. The weather is going to be beautiful and I intend on opening the windows and adding fresh air to the clean house feeling. AND, I might actually come up with something interesting to write about!

OH, post script.... Happy birthday to my little sister Bridgette... she really is all grown up now. In July she is going to make me an Aunt again, little sis is having her first and I am so happy for her and hubby Jared! I love you guys!

The Other "Golden" Restuarant

2012-01-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

So the husband and I have hit the "Healthy Lifestyle Wagon" again - starting out the year right. Our diet isn't as good as it should be, but we are working on it and it will come as we keep going. We have started back with the daily exercising together - getting it done no matter what. Yesterday he came home between school and the basketball games and we worked out, cleaned up, changed clothes and headed up to the game. It has to be an EVERYDAY thing! As I have said many times before in my blogs, the formula for losing weight really is pretty simple: eat less, exercise more. Yup, that is what is, you have to take in less calories and burn more to tip the scales, and that is what we are trying to do.

That said, the while the FORMULA for losing weight and getting in shape is simple, the act of actually DOING it is very hard - and don't you let anyone tell you different. I know, for me it wasn't only hard, it was something I could only do because my husband agreed to do it with me. I had a partner that challenged me, prodded me, and encouraged me, I need that. And I need it because temptation is all around. Society simply doesn't make it easy to eat well. I know of not one single restaurant out there that bases their entire menu on healthy, low calorie, good for you food, certainly not any fast food one. Oh sure, Subway allows you to order a healthy sandwich, but Outback, Chili's, TGIFridays and more all have a couple menu items for healthy eating but they also give you tons of delicious high calorie, high fat, unhealthy foods that simply taste so good. Most people don't have the strength to turn away from that, I know I don't when going out to eat.

So, yes, what I am talking about is a place that has only healthy food and healthy food that TASTES GOOD too! They don't seem to be out there, but there are other places that I consider the most evil of all (and no, I don't mean Krispy Kreme, it has its very own special place in Diet Hell), those would be the places such as the "Golden Restaurant" - no, not McDonald's, it is bad, but I am talking about places such as Golden Corral. I challenge anyone to head into that place and just watch the dietary habits of the patrons. It is no wonder Americans are obese! I truly believe there are many reasons why people are overweight, from emotional scars and pain to mental issues to metabolisms that we simply haven't decoded yet, and for those I feel bad, shoot, I understand, I WAS one of those. BUT it also a problem because there are people out there that either don't know how or simply won't push away from the table, food is their drug and these restaurants are their dealers.

Don't get me wrong, Darren and I like Golden Corral, and their breakfast buffet is amazing but we can no longer eat there. The same goes for places like the Brazilian Steakhouses that serve unlimited meat, we can't do those either. Not because we find the food offensive, it is simply because they aren't worth the price tag for us. When you finally adjust your eating habits to that healthy lifestyle, your stomach shrinks and you can't eat your money's worth without feeling miserable. This sort of makes me sad, Rizo, the Brazilian Steakhouse in our area, is running a half price special every Sunday in January. I love that place, I want to go, I want to take advantage, but even at half price (about $20.00 per person discounted), I just can't eat enough to take advantage!

I will get down off the mini-soapbox now, you have to admit, I haven't ranted on healthy lifestyle and weight loss in a while, but as I am preparing to fix some baked fish and veggies my mind keeps wandering back to the aromas that drift through the room at Rizo's. I have to remind myself again and again, "not worth the money, we don't eat enough, not worth the money, we don't...."

Now for a small portion of talipia, steamed veggies and salad..... sigh, reminding myself once again that nothing tastes as good as fit (thin and healthy) feels.

Sporn, Real Electronic Junk Mail

2012-01-04T22:46:00.000-05:00

About a year and half ago (maybe more) I purchased something from the adult store Adam and Eve. For those of you who might not know, that particular store is what would be considered an upscale adult store. They have everything from the tasteful and fun to, well, all of the rest that you would expect any adult store to have. Now, I am not going to explain away what I got (not that I exactly remember what it was) or even defend finding an item I was willing to buy from this business as some would do (believe me, I have heard plenty of "I only went in there to buy a gag gift for a friend." Gag gift, my behind!). What I am doing is actually asking "how can one purchase cause such and overflow in my e-mail box?

The problem is, I didn't make the purchase at the store, I actually bought it from their online site from which the store actually originated. Most of the time the online site for any retail business will have a bigger selection and better prices, especially the clearance stuff. Adam and Eve is no exception, which is why I am sure I picked the online route in lieu of just picking it up at the local store. But what I didn't know, by doing it that way I have subjected myself to a daily barrage of email from the store. It is something I have aptly titled SPORN. You know what, I am talking about, most, when they first get online got hit with it: SPAM that is PORN = sporn!

I have unsubscribed from Adam and Eve, not that I remember ever subscribing to begin with, and yet it simply just never goes away. I have gotten some other sporn from some other companies too, how they find me, I have yet to know. And, of course, I have to add to this stuff the daily sporn that mostly ends up in my junk mail folder. "NO, I don't want to enlarge my penis, find hot housewives, go all night..." or any other of those things that slip by my junk filters. I simply want to keep this stuff out of my inbox.

I finally have eliminated junk mail from my physical mailing address, remember that stuff, snail mail. For a while it seemed I was on everyone's mailing list from Publisher's Clearing House to the National Humane Society (not bad enough I already have to watch their horribly sad commercials), to the Oriental Trading Company. There wasn't a day that went by that I couldn't count on getting some sort of junk from someone in my home mailbox. In fact, if there came a day that my mailbox was completely empty, I assumed the post office didn't operate that day because I always got something in the mail. But through different methods, one of which included moving my mailing address to a box number instead of physical location, I was able to make my mail more "green" and less junk. Now I want to do it with my electronic in-box. Adam and Eve keeps threatening me that if I don't place an order soon they are going to have to drop me from their mailing list. I say "DROP ME ALREADY - PLEASE! No more SPORN!"

There is one other form of sporn that I have thought of, and this isn't really something you can prevent coming to you. It is the occasional email that is written to someone else but accidentally sent to you and contains rather, ummm, personal or intimate subject matter. I have had that happen more than once to me and it leaves me in a quandary - do I just ignore it (hope I can forget it) or do I tell the sending party so they know the correct receiving party didn't get it - or worse, they know I saw it? Not so sure on that one.

I know that ordering from any questionable inventory site is now something I will avoid doing. And I am careful what language I use when visiting sites and leaving comments, even a simple comment on a blog - taken the wrong way - can get you buried in sporn. I even hesitate to keyword this blog because if I use "porn" and/or "sex" - there is no telling what I might end up getting in my email box. One thing I know, due to the nature of the internet and our society, sporn is probably a thing that is here to stay.

It doesn't look good on my lips?

2012-01-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

natural makeup that doesn't always enhance.

I need some new makeup, no, let me clarify that, I need to replenish my makeup, and yes, there is a difference. When we women speak of "new makeup" we usually mean something different, not refilling what we already have. I have been using the same brand of makeup for years now, you see, my mother-in-law's shopping on QVC has led to some really great stuff and for me, the best ever was her purchasing the starter kit for Bare Minerals makeup. I love the stuff.

I have worn makeup since before my mother gave me permission at age sixteen to use a "little" eye-make and blush. I was the girl in junior high with the horrible blue eyeshadow that I would cake on in the school bathroom mirror and wipe off on the bus home. As an adult I have come to realize that my desire to wear makeup so young wasn't to look sexy or alluring (good thing, because I sure didn't, more like a clown) but I wanted to put on a mask and hide the insecurity I had with my looks, body imagine and even brains. I had horrible self-esteem and was actually fairly shy (I know, there are those out there that know me that are giggling and shaking your heads at the thought of me shy, lol, honest, it is true). Makeup helped me think I looked more grown up and hid a few of the physical things that made me insecure (a small amount of acne, dark under-eye circles, a less than perfect nose, etc).

Once I became an adult, makeup was just a part of who I was. Two years of cosmetology school helped me perfect the application process and I never really walked around looking like a clown (well, as an adult) but my makeup was flawless, thick and a perfect advertisement for those high-end department store cosmetic counters. You know what I am talking about, a face perfect for a photo session or walk down some award ceremony red carpet, I had it. Problem is, it was expensive, time consuming and not very practical. And, there are times when you simply don't need THAT MUCH makeup. It drove my husband nuts that I would carefully apply water-proof eye makeup, blush and lip gloss to go to the beach! Yup, I couldn't go to the mailbox without "my face on," and I even applied my makeup perfectly while in labor so I would look okay - not just for the pictures but so the doctor and delivery staff wouldn't have to see me without it.

Coinciding events finally moved me into a practical and acceptable level of powdering my face. My mother-in-law, as mentioned above, gave me the Bare Minerals makeup, I started college and had very little time to spend on makeup application, and I found out that one of my most hated physical facial features (dark under-eye circles) was caused by a medical condition. Also, truth be told, I think age and maturity finally caught up to me, I realized the public would not run in horror if they saw me without perfect makeup.

So now, I spend more time writing than I do putting on makeup, a good thing, really. Every now and then it becomes a problem though, as I am facing today. Not only have I nearly run out of the Bare Minerals base (which looks like you are wearing no base at all - a far cry from the thick goop that I used to paste on) but I have not been able to find a good lip product. It is my last cosmetic conversion from the painted on me years ago to the natural look I try to achieve most of the time now. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. You see, I have tried lipsticks, they are too thick and unnatural looking. I have tried stains and they are too dark or unnatural. And, strangest of all, I have tried bare glosses, you would think those would work. BUT my natural lip color "isn't my color." You see, there are people who can wear reds, there are those who can wear oranges, or, as we have been taught, there are people that are certain seasons and only certain shades look good (or not good) on them. I am a "winter" and my lips seem to be an "autumn" - lol - yup, they have orange and yellow undertones and I am a person who needs blue undertones. So, you tell me, what do I do if my own "natural" doesn't look good on me?

I guess I will head over to ULTA and and speak with one of their consultants while picking up my base. Perhaps there is some little technique or product to fix this.... but that is a scary prospect to me, I know I am only one blush or eyeliner away to slipping back to the dark-side and the spatula applied cream base. I swear, ULTA is like my own personal freebasing making dealer! I must be strong! Is there an Ala-Makeup group that meets anywhere? I think I might need it.

Really Not How I Like to be Caught with My Pants Down!

2012-01-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, today is January 2nd and, as I understand it, the last day of hunting season this year, and I am glad. I don't mind hunting, my father was an avid hunter as were/are my brother, nephews and several cousins. We grew up eating venison and one of my favorite things in the world was the jerky Dad made from it. He was always good when it came to my feelings, I am very sensitive, and killing Bambi, even for food, breaks my heart to this day; but Dad would dress the meat out before bringing it home so I never had to look into those big brown eyes. And hunting around here is also a practical thing in controlling our deer population. In my lifetime I have killed five - yes five - deer and I have never held a gun up to take a shot at one. With me it was car verse deer and my car won every time, of course, that is if you don't count the paint and body repairs with four of them! We have a HUGE deer population and there really isn't many things besides man now to keep their numbers in check.

We live with our property butted up to a large wooded section. The land behind us is owned by a hunting club, and therein lies my problem with hunting season. You see, the entrance to the hunting property is down off the main road. Most hunters park their trucks there and, complete with a bevy of hunting hounds, equipment and more, and walk in. It is a bit of a hike, but that is where the entrance is. Recently some of the hunters discovered there is also an entrance via the back of our property, it is an old logging access road that ends right in our backyard. In our neighborhood most yards are not fenced, and ours falls into that group. With this easy access, the hunters have started to trample across our property to enter the woods and I have had enough of it to say I am thrilled hunting season is over.

Sure, I could have caused a stink and told them they were on private property and insist on them entering elsewhere, but I didn't really notice that is was a bother at the beginning of the season. But as the days have passed and more and more hunters are using the path, there are some things I am ready to have stopped. First off, hunters use dogs, fairly large dogs, we have dogs, fairly large dogs... and that means a conflict. From the problem with them cutting across the yard and the dogs catching my dogs attention which brings on the barking, whining and howling, to seeing men with very big guns, coolers (complete with the standard beer or whiskey beverage), and grim expressions. I am sorry, it is disconcerting. Other issues are that they are shooting so close to our property, again, we have dogs in our yard, and worse, children playing there as well. Last year law enforcement had to be called on a couple of hunters that were literally shooting right at my property line. That just wasn't safe.

Most annoying of all, I walked out yesterday with Chief on his leash to see a man holding the collar of a dog that was, well, taking a dump in my backyard. Chief went nuts, I had to haul him back in knowing full well he "really had to go" himself but until they were done and moved into the woods, he had to wait. REALLY???? We have two large dogs, we create enough dog poop for us to scoop or clean without getting additional contributions from extra dogs! Add to that, actions like this makes Chief need to smell every-single-blade-of-grass-in-the-yard before doing his business himself. This nearly doubles the time I have to be out there with him, and never mind, that before light breaks too bright or after the sun has gone down, I am often outside in nothing but a tee shirt and flip flops! Yeah, that is what I really want to do, run into a man armed with two rifles, two dogs and smile with me bra-less, pant-less and scared to death by the surprise at 5:30 in the morning! It has happened!

So, I hope everyone has gotten their limit, I am hoping they enjoyed the season, and I am glad nothing tragic has happened to me or my pups! But I think by next year I will figure out how to block off the entrance... or start walking the dogs in the front yard, with pants, of course.

So, When Does it Pay Off?

2012-01-01T13:42:00.001-05:00

With the arrival of the new year people are making all sorts of resolutions, reflections and goals for the future. Often times with the turning of the calendar year many want to make sure they make a character change for the better or attempt to stay on a good path they have managed to follow. Included in that is the ability of someone to "be the better person."

Living and being "the better person" is something I always try to do. It is not saying that I am better than another, it is saying I need to remember to always try to make the right choice, take the better path, even when it seems, at least for the short run, that it would feel a heck of a lot better not to. Often times being the better is associated with karma; doing the right thing should bring good karma, doing wrong - especially when your actions hurt another person - should bring bad karma. But today, as thoughts were running through my mind, I wonder, does being the better person really EVER pay off? My karma, despite my good attempts, in 2011 was non-existent at best. Nothing went as planned and life held some real butt kickers as well. Maybe that is bad karma, if so, there must have been some pretty bad stuff I don't remember pulling that I was paying for. But honestly, I have really tried to "do the right thing" and "be the better person." I have bypassed the (probably temporary) pleasure of giving another what they deserved in the belief that is just the wrong thing to do, and yet, again and again, I have seen others dish out hurtful, hateful or just plain nasty actions and they seem to never have to pay the consequences. It just doesn't seem fair.

Perhaps that is exactly how karma works. Perhaps we must learn to be the better person, not stoop to the level of those who are not good people, without ever knowing or seeing them get their comeuppances. It is a matter of doing good because it is the right thing to do. Perhaps there should be no reward to do the right thing when one is doing it only for the reward. Make sense? I think so.

Daily I face the challenge of being the better person, and daily I struggle with it. I make the right choice each and every time while everything in me wants not to do so. I finally came to realize today that it may never pay off in the way I hoped, BUT I also came to realize it has already paid off daily, every time I make that choice. I am making the choice to rise above and know it is not of my doing when judgement will come to others. If I continually make the right choice, my life will flow as an example of that and I will be a better person for it. By the same token, those that choose to live by the opposite, taking, hurting, and manipulating others will eventually have someone do to them what they are dishing out. Karma does work that way, it is the way of nature. I might not be around to see it, but I can be assured it will happen... but it won't happen by me, I won't lower myself to that. And THAT is the true payoff, "being the better person" isn't just the action, in itself it is also the reward.

Thankfully - Goodbye 2011, I am Glad to See You Go!

2011-12-31T13:30:00.000-05:00

Here I sit at my keyboard, the last day of 2011, and, as I am accustom, I had started to write my end of the year blog, the one where I recount the highlights and remember the past 365 days. This year, after looking over the first couple months of my entries in 2011 I decided to not repeat the annual tradition. I am not really a negative person, but the truth is, 2011 hasn't been particularly fair or wonderful to me and I just don't want to rehash it.

Now, I will say there some significant highlights and I will be always happy when I remember them. It was Christmas 2010 when I found out that I was going to have a second grandchild but it was in June of 2011 that actually brought Tannis into our lives and she will forever be the highlight of this year. Every day since she has been born, I have loved her more than the day before. She and Drake are the best things of 2011 and often of life in general. So, if nothing else, I will remember this year as a special time.

Those other highlights can be summed up in our trip to Ohio this past summer, and this past December which included my birthday, the holidays and the visit with Melinda and Del here. December, for the most part, has been a time that has given me cause to smile.

As I have mentioned before, I am a "glass half full" type of person and I am hoping with the distance of time, I will be able to find more happiness and blessings in 2011, but for right now I am more than happy to bid it adieu and move on. Perhaps, considering this year and this entry, it is time for me to change my tradition and not so much do a year in review at the end of the year but an entry instead on my hopes, wishes and dreams for the coming year. Not so much a list of resolutions but a symbolic box of hopes and dreams.

Either way, I am saying goodbye to 2011 with the celebration that this year is over and I am look forward to ringing in the new year with the hope of it being better and much more glass half full type .... Best wishes to all.

Women, Don't Laugh, We Can Learn From Them

2011-12-29T17:04:00.000-05:00

It's not often I, or most women say this, but let's hear it for the guys when it comes to quality friendship. I mean it, most of the time when we think of close, endearing, supportive friendships, we assume it is a friendship between women because, let's face it, friendship APPEARS to be more important to women. Women spend more time cultivating friendships, more energy in keeping them going and are much more devastated when one falls apart, which happens far more than men. But the bond of friendship with men is, I believe, just as important as women's but the difference it that it simply isn't nearly as complex. Because of that women could take a clue or two.

I saw this male bonding/friendship thing in action last night and it was really amazing in many ways. We have friends (Del and Melinda) visiting us this week. The friendship started with my husband and Del nearly 18 years ago when they first started coaching football together. For two years they coached along side five other coaches and they became a close team. In the process, the wives of these seven coaches became close friends as well and an unique bond was formed. After two years Del moved back home (Ohio), but the rest of the coaching team stayed basically intact for an additional five years. After that one coach would change schools or another changed positions but the friendship remained and, while spotty at best, contact with each continued. Del and Darren had, for whatever reason, developed a close and fun friendship. Over the years Del would return to visit with us and for the last three summers we have made the trip to the North Shore to spend time with him and his lovely lady Melinda. The rest of the coaching team however, had less time to see Del but we have all kept in contact here, meeting for dinners and an occasional party, or even come up against each other in a game or two. All the while, the friendship remained.

Del (and Melinda) have been down here this week and we made sure to arrange a evening out with as many of that original coaching crew we could get together. Last night we all went out to eat and it was amazing to watch as an observer knowing all the circumstances. Five of the seven friends reunited and it was as time had stood still. The friendship, bond, camaraderie and more was all still there and they fell right into comfortable conversation and kidding that was notable of the time they all spent together all those years ago. They have maintained a friendship over nearly 20 years without a single blow up, hurt feelings or major drama. It is obvious that the friendship means something to them all and that it is something good in their lives and they have valued and honored it by simply staying friends. That is friendship in the purest form and us women could learn from it. I wish it could all go so simply for women.

I have several friendships that are just as long standing as these men have shared. I love and treasure those friends but it has never been as easy as the friendship the guys share. There has been drama, there has been hurt feelings, there have been times of extreme closeness and celebration and times of anger and hurt. I can think of five friends who have been in my life since I was a teenager and I hope that friendship will continue to survive over time. I do my best and I know they do too but again, I wish it would come as easy as the relationship the men share. I guess men just don't make it hard, to them it, as the saying goes, is what it is.

To the 1993/94 coaching staff and the group that went on for several years more, I am glad to step back, watch and appreciate the friendship you share. Ladies, take note.

Idiot Fodder

2011-12-27T21:13:00.000-05:00

There are things one does not know or notice when one works a job that takes them out of the house first thing in the morning. How do I know this? Because I have been off work for the past couple weeks and it has allowed me to be home in the morning, with the TV on, watching the morning news.... and all I can say is "WOW." Some of the stories they follow on The Today Show or other similar wake-up news programming are truly amazing - both in the good and bad way.

I realized that missing these stories is one of the reasons that, since I have returned to the work force, I haven't always had subjects to write on. A simple lack of material. I need this material sometimes because I am pretty lucky in my life to not have stuff to draw from! I feel I have close family and friends that are wonderful, stable people and give me little to take a comic look at (my style of writing), so I need the dummies I see on these shows.

It is a simple law of averages, I guess. For every stable, smart, hardworking person out there, there has to be a few idiots. We, the normal segment of society, all shook our heads at the now famous McDonald's coffee lawsuit that won a woman millions of dollars, but it continues on... A man in California slips and falls in a local Starbucks and gets a concussion (a concussion, not a broken back, loss of an eye, crushed limb.... a concussion) and wins an almost eight million dollar lawsuit against them! Shoot, I will take a slip and fall in our local coffee house for say, a measly $50,000 or so, lol (check at the story here).

I think, when I return to work, I am going to start DVRing the morning news. It truly might be the cure for my writer's block. Sadly, too many people are simply idiots.

EDIT: After writing this and rereading it, I realized that the idiots of which I speak aren't necessarily the jerks like those above who executed the lawsuits above, the true idiots are the members of the jury who awarded them the outrageous amounts! Really people, can we not think a little smarter? Guess not.

Now I understand....

2011-12-22T21:22:00.000-05:00

Simply said, there are some rules in life. One big one I know and try to live by is that "if you don't know, understand or are able to speak intelligently on something, please don't comment." Ask questions - yes, engage in informative listening, even try to observe and then verbally engage, but if you just don't get it, live by another life suggestion: Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to speak and be known as one.

In the last little while I have come to understand the hostility of men when it comes to dealing with women and sports. Being in a household where sports was and is a big part of our lives, it is easy to forget there are people out there (yes, both male and female) who truly know squat about sports and yet want to speak on the subject with authority.

And I am not talking about those who have a favorite sports team for whatever reason (from the team's home city to liking the uniforms they wear) and want to cheer them on. I can understand that. I know very little about Nascar but I do enjoy the news of a favorite driver, or I have no interest in professional golf but I do love watching the last round and seeing Tiger self-destruct. No, I am talking those (women) who want to taunt, brag or go on and on about the worth of their team and they have no clue.

I say women because this does seem to be a problem in the female gender much more than the male. Not that there aren't men who are dumb to the ways of professional/college sports, they just simply know not to share their ignorance in public speaking. Women - not so much.

When I first started following football, I had no clue. My knowledge was limited to the LA Rams - now the Saint Louis Rams - if that tells you anything, and the Colts were in Baltimore. Basketball was just as bad if not worse, I knew what my brother told me of the LA Lakers and Jerry West! A little learning was added with the emergence of Michael Jordan (being from his hometown) and the Chicago Bulls.... yes, this was years ago. But when I started finding my joy in the sports, I set out to learn about it. One of the things that contributed to this is that husband started coaching. I ended up shooting on the sidelines of both basketball and football and that a teacher to me as well. I learned defenses, offenses, penalties as well as why a certain play was called. I learned positions and what the purpose of them was. I understood special teams. I came to understand why a certain team's offense worked strongly against another defense, and which teams to look for taking a cheap shot. I know what a shotgun formation is, I understand man on man defense, I know when a coach is deciding on whether to go on 4th down or punt, I can spot a block or charge in basketball or a facemask or horse collar in football. And more than even those, I understand why a team's offense might give another team's defense such a hard time. Simply put, I have enough sports knowledge that I can watch it without being a poser.

And, as much as I have come to learn about this subject, my daughter knows a ton more. Morgan can out-talk many a male under the table with great football discussions as can my son Dallas. Professional basketball I am a bit shaky on but I understand college selections and rankings fairly well. I enjoy the draft, both in college and pros, it is good entertainment and fun family discussions, but I am at a loss when it comes to fantasy football, that I admit. And while all that doesn't make me an expert, it makes me discussion eligable in a sports venue. And then into the conversation comes the "bimbo" ... you know the one that tells you all about how great her team is and has no idea of why they are that good (or bad).... if you are going to be an expert, please let me know you have some knowledge of your team. You have women cheering to their team to score when they have no idea of whether they are currently on offense or defense. How many of these women even understand a down or know the difference between a kick off, punt, or field goal kick... Basketball... man on man or zone? Got any idea? No? Then please, careful hide your lack of knowledge instead of proving it to all. Honestly, as a woman, there is nothing more embarassing to our gender than to be watching a baseball game and hear a woman screaming, "go! go! score that touchdown!" UGH, give me a beer and a man to watch a game over women, wine coolers and cheese platters any day!

A 50 Year Old Pictorial Catch up!

2011-12-19T22:03:00.001-05:00

A HUGE catch up needed here, so not soapbox, wise cracks or unique observations... just bullets and pictures of what has gone on the past couple weeks... literally, it has been nearly that long since I have written!

Finished up work on the 9th and don't return until the 9th - one of the perks of education, long holidays.
On the 13th the dreaded date came along, the day of which I turned the big 5-0. A friend told me don't look at it as 50 but simply 25 twice. I like that, I like what the husband told me even better - I am simply 5 perfect 10s! Husband and I celebrated a few days early with a dinner on the balcony of The Riverboat Landing - perfect night out and the food was awesome.

On the day of my actual birthday we had a basketball game and I spent it up at the school with my favorite "little people" as Morgan brought up Tannis and Drake to see me. They brought me a beautiful snowflake necklace that I love.

In the meantime, and during this entire vacation I have been plagued with a nasty cold or whatever. It is making me a little nuts. I have far too many things to accomplish and the way I am feeling is standing in my way. Tomorrow it will be to the doctor I go if I am not feeling considerably better!
My birthday certainly was good to me starting with my gift from Darren, a long desired jersey from my favorite team with "the man" on the back - oh come on, they clinched the division yesterday - don't be haters!

During all the hoopla of holiday preparation, Morgan and Justin had the bad luck of their one remaining, running car breaking down - again. This time it was terminal. So, they managed to work a deal to get her Justin a new (used) car and get her fixed, so I will be back in my Grand Prix (that they have been sharing) by the end of this week.
In the meantime, while they were looking at cars, I came across my little dream car.... a white Mustang.... just like I have wanted since I was sixteen years old. The car my husband had said he had always wanted to get me for my 50th birthday... and simply put, he did! I am now the proud owner!

This past Saturday night, to add to the awesomeness of the past birthday week, my friends and family threw me a surprise birthday party! It was so good to see everyone and I realized how very blessed my life is by the people in it!

In all of this busy-ness, I haven't had a chance to finish my Christmas shopping and so I did a bit of that today. I have just a bit to go and I will do that on Thursday when husband and I head to the outlets to finish up. It has become a tradition now.
The last of the birthday fun came today when I headed up to the school to have lunch with the husband and "the crew" as they gave me my present! I am now the owner of some really cute rain boots. I love those girls - and the "Thing" hats were our Christmas gift to them.

So that just about brings my life up-to-date. I am still sick, still have Christmas shopping to do and still have a very messy house to clean, in other words, I haven't accomplished much on my Christmas break, so I need to get cracking! Just two things I really do want to get for me during this time... a new bellybutton ring and my "Celebration of Being 50" tattoo. I know what it is I want, I am pretty sure where I want it, I simply have to get the money and the tattoo artist I want to do it together and it will be mine. But for now, I will just try to hit the bed and see if I can get this darn nose and sinuses to clear up for me!

50 Reflections of Reality

2011-12-13T00:03:00.000-05:00

Today is the 347th day of the year, there are 18 days left. It is a day in history when "Grandma Moses" (from portrait fame) died. It is National Coco Day, National Candle Safety Day, and National Ice Cream Day. It is Mary Todd Lincoln, Dick Van Dyke, Christopher Plumber, Ted Nugent, Jamie Foxx and Taylor Swift's birthday. In 1961 on December 13th Brian Epstein became the official manager of a little known band that would later become The Beatles. And, on this day in 1961, after what my mother describes as the worst and longest labor on record, I came into the world.

Hitting 50, especially for a woman, can be a rough and depressing event. I will admit, following with my total dislike of odd number years, with the exception of Tannis' birth, this year has been particularly difficult in many ways, add to it that half century mark this birthday can really bring me down a bit. I am certainly not where I saw myself at 50 and, for some reason, I still feel like I am in my 30s, not 50s, but here I am.

I have always been a person that sees the glass half full, and if I couldn't see it that way, I set out to find something to add to it to fill it back up and in the spirit of that I figured I would honor my 50th by picking my 50 blessings, memories, events and people in my life. Maybe once that list is created and looked back over, I will be able to face the black balloons and the cutting birthday cards with a little bit of a smile. While I probably will follow this in an orderly manner, I don't think it will happen that way, so where any certain person, point or memory falls is absolutely by coincidence.... I don't want anyone to feel slighted....

My earliest memory was eating a grilled cheese sandwich and soup with my mom as she watched her "soap" - we did this every day after my nap time and before my brother and sister got home.
I shared a room with my sister and she hated it, I, on the other hand, loved it because I lived in awe of her. She was over 7 years older than me and I thought she was cool.
I ran directly into a black widow spider walking to school one day. She had a huge egg sack in her web and didn't bother me, I left her be.
My parents got really mad at me when, on vacation, I was feeding a chipmunk at some rest stop and it bit me. I knew I wasn't supposed to be feeding him and I didn't tell them until a day later when my finger was swollen and infected. They worried about rabies but it all turned out fine.
Wendy Robinson was my first best friend, she lived next door. I wonder where she ended up.
My first crush was on a boy named Thane in first grade.
I spent a couple weeks with my grandfather with my mom in the travel trailer he lived in after he had surgery. It was in central California and it was hot and I ate so many oranges that I got sick.
It was also during this time with my grandfather that I fell off a horse for the first time.
At age 11 my parents moved us to New England, it was a huge change.
My brother and sister were out of our home by the time I was 13, leaving me as basically an only child from then to adulthood.
My best friend in Maine was Bev Richardson and she would later be my maid-of-honor at my wedding.
My mother was a Jehovah's Witness which meant I have been to several major sports venues (Fenway Park, Candlestick Park, Dodger Stadium, the Olympic Stadium in Montreal, etc) but never saw a professional sporting event until I was an adult.
I love horses, I rode and we raised the first Morgans to ever leave this country.
I love cows more than horses, they are sweeter natured.
I thought I was going to marry a guy name Craig, we were "engaged to be engaged." Then I met Darren.
I was in an accident that should have left me dead, instead it simply pummeled my body and left me with medical problems to this day.
I didn't celebrate my first Christmas until I was 19 and I didn't have a birthday party until I turned 40.
My grandmother gave me a precious little rag doll named Tatters, you pulled her string, she talked. I still have her.
When I was 12 years old my parents were separated. My father took me school shopping and bought my jeans in Sear's boys HUSKY department.
I was horribly bullied by a girl named Alice DeRouchmont in 6th grade. She was mean-natured, ill mannered and unattractive. I wonder what ever happened to her.
Moving to North Carolina at age 16 turned out to be my best summer ever. My best friend became Kathy Stover and I still miss her.
I once talked on the phone to Michael Jackson, he was strange.
I met my husband because the guy I was dating introduced us.
That guy also lost my high school class ring.
I was the queen of the disco looks, I had HUGE hair, leg warmers and matching satin hot pants and jacket (pink).
I snuck around with my husband for the first year we dated because my mother forbid me to see him due to her religious beliefs.
One of Darren's (husband) friends slipped in and played ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST by Queen when we walked back down the isle at our wedding.
I never remember a time where I didn't know how to shoot a camera. My father furthered that love by getting me a Cannon AE1 when I was 18 years old. One of the best gifts I ever got.
We were so broke when the kids were little, I remember Darren and I eating a lot of those boil in a bag meat selections, they were often on sale 3 for a dollar.
I found true meaning in my life the day Morgan was born. She was the best thing I had ever done to that point.
I felt complete the day Dallas was born, I had been blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and an girl, I couldn't want anymore.
I have been the promotions director for both a rollerskating and an ice skating rink. It was strange to go to work in 100 degree heat of July in sweatshirts!
One of my greatest joys was watching my children, both of them act on stage.
We planned Morgan's wedding in less than 9 weeks and it was beautiful and came in for nearly pennies.
There wasn't a more proud person in the world than me when Darren graduated from college. I threw him a huge party but not before painting the entire outside of the house by myself.
In my mid/late twenties I got a younger brother and sister. They are as special to me just as my older siblings are.
I have maintained a few friendships for over 30 years - Bianca, Elisa, Lynn, Joelle and Bev.
I used to sign Elisa out of school so she wouldn't get in trouble for skipping.
At 18 years old I fell in love with Darren, 32 years later we are still together.
There have been only a few days in my life (wedding, my kid's birth) that were as special as the day in 2006 when I walked across the stage and received my college degree (BA English/Professional and technical writing).
That following August I received $500 for my first published work.
I remember being so scared the night Drake was born. I was afraid for him and I was terrified for my daughter.
I will forever cherish the moment of being in the room when Tannis entered this world.
I am blessed, that at ages 71 and 80 my parents are still alive and with me.
Nearly 30 years of marriage has been one of the hardest things I have ever done but the rewards are indescribable and well worth it.
I have been online for 16 years and my life has been so enriched by a few true, real, special and loving friends I have met there.
Being a grandparent really is as great as they say it is.
The school years that my husband coached and my kids were in junior and high school were some of the best of my life.
I am thankful that I have found God and his loving support and spirit again in my life.
For all it has been, my life has been blessed and I truly love my family

Those probably are moments that have, or would, put most to sleep, but they are all part of what makes me who I am. Most importantly, I am thankful for the years I have had and if I can get it, I would truly love 50 more!

Thank you all who have come through my life as family, friends, loves and more. You are part of the intricate threads that make my life the quilt it is.

When the Past Becomes Your Future

2011-11-27T09:47:00.001-05:00

There is a famous quote by Ella Fitzgerald that says, "It isn't where you came from, it's where you are going that counts." And, to some extent, I understand the truth in that; however, I believe where you came from counts more than we often give our past credit for. What lies behind us is what gives us the foundations for what stands under us in the present, and the building platform for our future. What is more, while the present can be molded and formed, and the future can be always be created and changed, the past is concrete, never changing and because of that, it is up to know what part of it we need to use and what should be, if able, discarded.

I spent a few hours last night uploading old family pictures. I had borrowed my father's photo albums a few years back and scanned them, producing a digital log of our family history over more than seventy years. I have pictures of all four of my grandparents when they were young and just starting out. I even a very few treasured ones of their parents, my great grandparents, one set who struggled through the Dust Bowl era and brought their family west for a better life and the other set who moved west from Arkansas partly because it was recommended as what was best for my father's health. I have photos of my mother as a baby, at prom, posing in studio, a classic beauty, lounging on the beach as a young wife, pregnant with me, and with her as a child with her toddler sister (who would later marry my Dad's brother, connecting two families with double ties).

In similar fashion, I have pictures of my father from his infancy through all of my growing up. With these photos I see not just my father as a young solider in Korea, as a young dad, as a guy that liked to have fun (literally wearing a lamp shade on his head at a family party), or as a kid making fly fishing lures; I see his eyes, his build, his expression, his mannerisms. I get a sense of him then, at those ages, and the point is driven home how much we carry of who we are, if nothing but biologically, in our genes. My son looks so much like my father, and that also makes him look like my brother, his uncle. The resemblance can clearly been seen throughout the photos. Even more than that, in going through these photos and posting them for other family members to see, we see my father's face in one of my little great-nephews, five generations removed. The blood in my grandfather's veins was passed to my father and then through us, his children, and years from now perhaps some Dallas' (yet-to-be created) children will show those same genes in the form of the shape of their eyes, the cock of their head or the slight tab on one of their ears.

And, as interesting as the genetic factor is in all of these photos, there is so much more that I can see, it is that which I came from. For the last 45 years, my experiences and thoughts have formed not only who I am but how I have come to view my parents and older family. If not for that, it is always easy to forget that our parents and ancestors had a past that didn't include us. Photos let us get a peek into those times we were never privy to. While I have seen the photos hundreds of times, digitizing my parents wedding photos gave me new insight. I really looked at them, their faces, their expressions, their body language and it made a big impact on me. My parents are divorced, have been since I was 18 years old. They get along amazingly well but the few years before the divorce were pretty rocky for several reasons, and of course, the fact that they were divorced means it wasn't always "sunshine and roses." Looking at their wedding pictures I see two young, beautiful people that were glowing with happiness. There is no trace of the trouble to come, the pressures that would overtake them, or the distance that would eventually separate them, they just were two young people in love. I never had a chance to experience it, but through the pictures I could at least get a glimspe of that.

My family was and is a blended one, not the norm in the early 1960s. My father had a rather brief marriage before my mom came into his life, and from that I have an older sister and brother. We were all raised together, so I never really understood or was aware of the fact that were weren't like everyone else of the time. I have sometimes wondered if my perceptions just came from being a kid, unaware of the adult world around me, but in seeing these pictures reminds me that parents and family were pretty much how I remember. We weren't a family of step-parents, half-siblings or such, we were simply a nuclear family. We vacationed together, we shared all our experiences and my mother loved my older siblings just as she did me. While my parent's marriage ultimately didn't survive, the idea of family, marriage and what is important in life to me, how I was raised, is reaffirmed in these photos. It is that which I came from.

In times of trouble, pain or concern, there is a comfort for me in looking back over these photos. I know not all times were good, in fact, many were difficult and uncertain for me, but these are the reminders of what was good. These are the reminders that my parents, both of them, taught us kids to be good people, to care, to love openly and honestly. This foundation taught me family and it is something strong and of value. These memories, broken into millions of square dots in black and white as well as techno color affirm that I have a strong foundation to face my difficulties, uncertainties, and doubts. It is what gave me the core values to share with my children and bring that love to my numerous nephews, nieces and their children. In sharing both these values and memories, I hope I am passing down a piece of not only where I came from, my foundation, but where they now come from and their foundation.

There is a county song made famous by Brad Pasely titled "Two People Fell in Love" which speaks of the birth of a child and therefore the adult that will come when it says:

You know, to me it's all so clear

Every one of us is here
All because two people fell in love.

And, with some exception, that is so true. We are here because of the feelings between two people. Sometimes, far too often, those feelings change and we forget the good that comes out of relationships. That good needs to be the foundation for the children produced, for the generations to come. Our actions, when they become the past, they become concrete, they can't be changed. I will always try to remember, to hold on to the past I was given because it makes up who I am and that can determine everything in my future.... and that just doesn't affect me, it will involve all the lives I come in contact with, most importantly to me, those lives that are all stored in our family albums. I treasure each one of the photos in these albums, because every single person in there means something to me, they flow through my veins, or me through theirs, from my great grandfather working the soil to feed my mother and her siblings, to the nieces and nephews that I only, on very few occasions, have I ever had the special privileges of being with.

So again, I take exception to the quote, to me it is more:

Remember where you come from, it can give you the direction when the going gets rough to get exactly to where you are going.

We don't remember days; we remember moments.

2011-11-16T10:13:00.001-05:00

It is a word, or even better, a term we hear and never really consider. The Random House Dictionary defines the word MOMENT as, "an indefinitely short period of time; instant" - yes, a simple instant, and yet, it also adds another meaning to be, "[of] importance or consequence." To combine those meanings you get an indefinitely short period of time, an instant of importance or consequence. It is not often that something can be so clearly defined.

There are songs that remind us that a single moment can be an be everything, in a moment of time, life or the world can change. We all know, believe and even understand this concept. On 911, a single moment in time changed the world, changed people, and certainly changed the future expected from just minutes before. On a more individual level, there are moments that change our lives, often expected or welcomed, but change nonetheless such as the moment of birth, an accident, a death and so on.... But what we mostly focus on during our lives are the many mixtures of events and time that carry us through. We don't live our life as moments, we live it as experiences and those are made of countless small moments combined.

And then, into some individual's world comes a single life defining or life destroying moment, and these are usually unexpected. These moments are often delivered by simple words with devastating effect: "you have cancer" or "we are sorry, he didn't make it." They can also be defined by seeing or experiencing a horrifying event - and those have now often come with a later diagnoses of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)... the reality, moments can inspire or thrill but they also can truly hurt.

As with the songs mentioned above, we often want a single moment in time. We want our moment in the spotlight, the sun, the moment of success or accomplishment. But I wonder, just as much how many people simply want a single moment back. A moment that changed their lives so dramatically that life can never be the same again. That one moment that means, no matter what your choices or decisions have been in the past, the future as you hoped, dreamed, and worked for will never be what you wanted or expected... life has a way of happening despite, or even with our permission.

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.

Social Identity Fraud

2011-11-14T06:12:00.001-05:00

We all know that one of the biggest concerns of the current times is Electronic Identity Theft. To have someone steal your financial information and use it can create pure chaos in your life. We see commercials on how to protect yourself, we know the safety techniques like changing passwords and never posting personal information for reference and so on... we, as a techno community, are becoming fairly savvy in this matter. But, as knowledgeable as we are about this issue, I am more concerned with a new problem rearing its ugly head.... Social Identity Fraud.

I don't mean someone stealing your online identity, I mean the very real situation of people creating themselves online in a way they truly are not. Simply said, there are people out there that live their lives on facebook, myspace, twitter, and any number of blogs, and are putting themselves as someone they are not.... don't even remotely resemble. With 20 years of chatting behind us we all have learned to expect people who deceive you about their looks, weight, age, etc.... but now it is going much further. While their online photo might be them (photoshopped 50 pounds thinner perhaps, but them nonetheless), their on screen persona might have nothing to with who they truly are. From outright lying about their job, financial or worse, martial situations to just the slight nudging of the truth, it goes on all the time. And, honestly, we all have probably been guilty of it a little bit at some point. Shoot, who hasn't tried to make themselves or their lives look just a wee bit better in the "real world" much-less online where it is so much easier to do.

"Fudging" here or there doesn't bother me that much, but it is the outright lies that I see so often that just makes me shake my head and say "really???" No one (at least those who have the time to be on facebook a good deal of time - myself included) truly live the life of a jet-setter or have the life of being pampered and spoiled 24/7. And no life is without problems, so if someone is indicating they have it all, the truth is, they probably don't. And that is different from the people who choose to only feature the good in their lives, or simply don't care to advertise the bad, difficult or dysfunctional and are keeping it real but not giving everyone every single piece of their dirty laundry.

It is true, in "olden days" there was a saying "don't judge a book by its cover" - well now it can be said "don't judge a person by their profile" - it could be a real case of Social Identity Fraud.

Forget a Mile, Just Take a Couple Step in Another's Shoes

2011-11-13T15:41:00.001-05:00

Things are less than perfect and wonderful in my life right now. No surprise, no one, and I do mean no one lives a life untouched by a little pain, misery and/or difficulty. When we encounter the rough spots in life, it is easy to get totally enveloped in the pain and drown it, if just for a bit.

I meet with a group of women my age on Friday mornings, or rather I have been meeting with them up until this semester. Right now I am working that morning. There are five of us and I love each and everyone of them dearly. I miss them. We have always been there to encourage and share with each other and it truly does help. With me not making it since August, I have lost touch just a bit with what is going on with their lives.

Today, as I was really struggling to handle my own personal problems, I ran into one of those friends at church. Ironically, I had run into another one of them last Friday when I was out shopping. We chatted a bit and said we missed each other and then went on our way. When I ran into my girlfriend today she told me some sad news, trying situations, in two of the other ladies lives that had been going on. I had no idea.

I felt sad for them. None of it is totally life altering and yet it is painful stuff just the same. It puts the fact that I am suffering to into perspective. I know that my problems are hard and they do cause me worry and pain, but life is that way. I am not problem free, but I simply have my own set of trials. Others have their own as well and what I can assume is theirs are just as painful to them as mine are to me.

Life tends to suck sometime time and the only option we have is to suck it up and deal with it.... because you think your problems are bad? I guarantee there are others that are dealing with much worse. Right now it hurts to walk in my own shoes; I am sure not ready to walk in another.

We've all been ignorant, that's no reason to stay that way.

2011-11-12T11:03:00.001-05:00

Our society has many prejudices. We think we are forward thinking and hope we are beyond that, but the truth is, in microcosms of social groupings, we are still as small thinking as some more primitive societies that have come before us. The thing is, the prejudice is just not aimed at the clearly visible groupings as it was in the past. We all are quick to see and jump at any form of racial, gender, sexual orientation, or religious discrimination, but that doesn't mean we are without prejudices, far from it.

One of our most visible and easily accepted prejudices we have is monetary/social standing. We know that people with money, fame or position tend to have things made easier for them. Perhaps prejudice isn't the best term, in actuality it is about how society discriminates OR favors groups of people. On the flip side of prejudice is privilege and it can be just as repulsive in a social concept. Athletes, celebrities, politicians, the rich, etc... are often treated by a better measure for no other reason than they carry that title. They are every bit as human (and flawed) as you or me, but the expectations of who they are and what they therefore deserve, is far different. And this reverses itself when talking of groups that are automatically looked down upon - or have prejudices against. Sadly enough, the treatment of the mentally ill, poor, illiterate, disabled, differently (mentally) challenged or homeless is often horrific in, as much as society pampers and praises the honored, it ignores, or worse, abuses the these groups.

Much of the problem comes from the fact that often times the masses are simply ignorant. I know, the term ignorant is something we nearly recoil at, especially when it is directed towards oneself. But the term simply means "lacking education or knowledge" or "unaware or uninformed" (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language). I know, for me, until I had personal experience with a differently (mentally) challenged family member or worked with some of the homeless, I was ignorant because I had my own prejudices - most of which stemmed from either unfounded fear or ignorance. Once I had spent hours working with a woman that had no place to lay her head at night, even while struggling to get her education, I no longer felt ignorant to the plight of the homeless, I came to admire one of them. Watching the daily challenges of family members in the care-taking of one who is different, made me realize there is nothing to pity or fear in how we love him, we simply are all humans to be treated equally. I think it is part of human nature as a whole, that we often tend to fear that which we don't understand, and within that, we form prejudice or negative attitudes for even smaller groups of people in our lives, and that bothers me.

One grouping that I have experienced prejudice on both sides of the fence is that of weight and body image. While I have never had someone look down upon or spitefully criticize me because of the color of my skin, my gender or my religious choice (that I know of), I have experienced prejudice because of my physical body or my weight. It actually wasn't surprising to me when I let my body tipped the scales at 200 pounds that I saw the disapproving looks in people's eyes. While I don't feel I was a horrible offender of "judging fat people" when I was younger and thinner, I wasn't above thinking, or in close company, making negative comments - especially like "how the heck did they let themselves get that way" or "a little pushing away from the table could cure that." How negative and unfair. I have learned so much in my quest to get healthy again of the causes of obesity and it is disparaging. I have removed my ignorance of my prejudice of obesity by, not only experiencing the life of an obese person, but also by educating myself on the circumstances and causes of it. Obesity is an out of control disease in our culture, and while it is highly looked down upon, it is often a monster created directly by social, economic and health problems, attacking everyone from the weakest to the strongest. To look down upon a person just because they are larger than average size is as wrong as judging them on the color of their skin or the identification of their genitals. Perhaps someone is fat because they choose to not care about what they eat or what care they take of their body, but it is also just as likely they deal with health or poverty issues that create their larger size.

While prejudice against the obese is openly seen, the flip-side of it is something I never even considered, but have recently encountered. For nearly two years I have carefully worked to change my body. I have taken the time to move my body from inactive to toned and strong. I have adjusted my diet from indulgent and cheap to carefully considered and more nutritious. It has been difficult, but it has worked. I didn't do fad diets, I didn't follow the latest quick loss infomercial, I didn't just eat lettuce and drink water, I didn't starve myself, and most of all, I didn't yo-yo. I took the tortoises' advice with "slow and steady wins the race" and I did this the healthy way. It worked for me, it has worked for me for nearly two years now and I know it is a lifestyle I will have to maintain to remain, not so much "thin" but HEALTHY for the rest of my life. And the rewards it has brought have made me happy. I don't just look better in my clothes, I FEEL better in my life. No longer is a flight of stairs a daunting task. I can keep up with my two-year-old grandson without becoming exhausted, and I don't have to worry about taking blood pressure medication or dealing with Type II Diabetes. The one thing I didn't expect however is dealing with the negative, even snide comments and attitude I have received from people because of the transformation I have worked for. It seems it is NOT okay to make a comment about what an obese person eats (and yes, I use the term obese because, just as I was, most Americans aren't simply overweight, they are medically obese) or their lack of activity, it IS acceptable to try to poke fun at a person who diets, works out and is proud of the body their hard work has accomplished. Taking pot shots at what people have to do to get and maintain a healthy body is mean and nasty. I am no better than anyone else who was or is obese. It wasn't any easier for me than the next to lose the weight, I don't say ugly things about others weight and I certainly don't look down upon anyone because of what their scales read, so, why do others choose to do so with me?

Perhaps I am thin-skinned. I felt, from time to time, the prejudice against me when I was obese. It wasn't fair, I wasn't any better or worse a person for the size I wore then, and yet, here I am, half the size I was and I again face the ignorance of prejudice for the healthy lifestyle I have chosen. Prejudice often isn't one-sided. While one group unfairly treats and judges the other, it can often be seen that the other side is doing the same towards those they accuse. When anyone takes a jab at someone for being different than them, I can only hope it means that it is simply because they are ignorant to the true feelings of the other. Only when we are able to step outside of our comfort zone, learn and understand why others are as they are, can we educate ourselves, removing ignorance and ultimately prejudice of any kind. Plain and simple, whether I am black or white, gay or straight, Christian or Jew, or even fat OR thin, just because I am not like you doesn't give you the right to nasty comments, negative generalizations or just flat be mean to me. To do so truly does show your ignorance.

Jumbled Emotions

2011-11-11T17:11:00.001-05:00

This weekend is the first weekend in MONTHS we haven't had something planned or something we had to do. It is a long weekend too (for the most part, I did have to work 2 hours this morning). Of course, what did we do? Make plans! But it is all good.

I can't believe the week visit with my father and brother (and his family) went so quickly. Two weekends with them simple wasn't enough and I would love to be doing more with them more often. On the flip side, it is nice to have the cold weather settle in and know that we can just settled in tomorrow or go do what we want.... sad that I am missing my dad. happy to have a tiny bit of quiet for the first time in a while.

Despite not having anything much scheduled, it turned into a busy week. Work was crazy, lots of papers due right now and students are in a panic. Outside of work, spent lots of good time with my grandbabies. I even got a chance to shoot some pictures of them! Tannis' dedication portrait and we were also trying for a Christmas card picture with both of them in it. Didn't really get that, but got a great one or two of both of them.

The great thing about this picture of Tannis, I took nearly the same picture of my Goddaughter Elexis. I had given her Mommy, Elisa (one of my dearest and closest friends), a dedication gown for her and her Mommy gave Morgan this one for Tannis. It is the connection of generations that makes me feel so warm!

When did that beautiful baby get so grown up. How I love her! I need more of 'Lex time in my life!

Big night, I am looking forward to it. Going out to dinner with the above baby's mommy Elisa, along with our husbands and then we are heading to see the new movie Immortals, after which time we are going to come home and watch Carolina play basketball on the deck of an aircraft carrier. How cool!

Movie tonight means popcorn ... and I feel good about that. My workouts went well this week and I am so glad I have learned that I can live a healthy lifestyle and still eat some of the stuff I love. It will be two years ago this Christmas that I decided I needed to get healthy, lose the weight and get in shape. I was experiencing knee problems, blood pressure concerns and the worry of Type II diabetes. With my thyroid condition it hasn't been easy but I have been so proud of the fact that I have done it with dedication and it has paid off. Even being off the exercise program (and somewhat the healthy maintenance diet), I have only added a couple pound AND I have managed to get those back off quickly. I have finally changed my lifestyle to be able to enjoy eating, even my beloved brownies, and yet not yo-yo. My weight and my size is what it was when I was in my late 20s and that I can certainly live with. Even if my size hadn't come down, I still would have pursued this healthy lifestyle as I feel so much better! It truly does feel great. The first couple months wasn't easy but after that, it became a part of our lives and, because we did it the healthy way, it has become natural and easy. I know the work I have put in has probably lengthened my life and that is the best part, I want to be around a long time to see Tannis and Drake grow up!

Life often is both difficult and joyful. I recently decided to take each day as it comes and look for the blessings and worry about the problems as they come, not before. It can get me on an emotional roller-coaster some days but I will take it. Life is worth it.

They are Accessories, NOT an Apparel Item!

2011-11-08T23:08:00.004-05:00

Okay ladies, let me say, the cooler weather has kicked in and the fashion trends have moved over to warmer attire.... for the most part. I am already seeing some horrific fashion missteps. Mostly this is a problem that applies to the younger generation and perhaps, since I work in a college environment, I see more of it, but please allow me to explain the appropriate use (or wearing) of tights, or the slightly thicker leggings.

Tights/leggings are designed to fit, well, tightly, very snug in fact. They are a much thicker (and more comfy) version of the dreaded pantyhose. They are supposed to be worn UNDER short skirts, long shirts, dresses, even thigh length sweaters, anything that allows the behind and legs to be covered in a matching or contrasting color of clothing. What they are not is PANTS! I know I have ranted about this before, but today, when I saw a girl prancing down the street in a baby doll tee and a pair of black tights which generously featured every curve of her entire lower body, right down to the exact curvature of her very intimate female parts, I nearly snatched her by the hair and yelled, "Didn't your mother teach you better than that?"

I swear, I have seen strippers that have left more to the imagination than some of these girls walking around with tights substituting for pants. Just about the time I have gotten used to seeing plenty of nipples in super low cut shirts, bra straps as a fashion item, cheeks mooning me out of shorts and more "crack of the behind" than I could imagine, this new trend comes along.

Please be aware, I am not prude and I am also a consumer of the fashion ACCESSORY of tights, but I know better than to wear them without something that covers the intersection of my legs and torso, not only to cover less than attractive areas (butt, hips, thighs, even lower belly) but also to keep my private places private. It is all about common sense, and I guess therein lies the problems, too many people are just missing out on a good dose of common sense! So, in lack of that, perhaps we can step up and help these poor girls and tell them to "put some pants on for goodness sakes! I don't want to see that!"

Now, my pet peeve list, in honor of fashion talk....

TOP TEN FASHION PEEVES

1. Clothes that are too baggy. Just as I don't want to see second skin clothing, I also can't stand to see a guy walking down the street, defying gravity with pants that are bagging well below their waist, shoot, below the length of their privates in most cases, I am sure.

2. Along the same line, get rid of the super tight pants and tops while acknowledging that you have gained a couple pounds. No one wants to see rolls!

3. You are pregnant, not sexy (well, at least not to the rest of the world, your husband doesn't count), skin tight clothing from top to bottom looks good on nearly no one but to see a pregnant woman's naval protruding like another limb is not something I want to explain to a two year old who is left wondering staring!.

4. Super HIGH SPIKED heels with casual blue jeans. Make up your mind! Either go fancy and wear dress clothes with the heels or pick the nice, low heels, flats, boots, or athletic shoes to go with your jeans.

5. Sweat pants with things written across the butt. I don't want to imagine anything about someone else's behind, much less someone who is advertising it as "Pink" "Candy" or "Juicy!"

6. Bra straps (especially of different color or pattern) hanging out, even down the shoulder. I know that it has become a fashion trend to "show the straps" (and I have done it) but if you HAVE to do that, for goodness sakes, at least try to make them look like they are part of the outfit and have been chosen for their matching ability.

7. Dressy clothes with flip flops. I adore my Rainbow sandals but they simply don't always look appropriate.

8. Panty lines - they are preventable, so please, prevent them.

9. Stay contemporary.... I thought the look of high top sneakers and scrunchie socks were cute when I was 18 but they certainly aren't attractive in this day and time.

10. And finally, one for the men, unbuttoned shirts, hairy chests and tons of gold is just too 1970 porn star-ish! Wax, button up and sell off those gold chains and buy yourself some new clothes!

Tonight I Say a Sad Farewell to Several Friends

2011-11-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it is official, just as I said goodbye to my father and other family yesterday (for a while), tomorrow I will be doing some of the same with friends of mine. I am really sad to see them go, they have been my accompaniment and comfort for a couple months now. I have embraced them, even sought them out more than a couple times. They have been loyal, always showing up when I wanted them, never failing to be just as sweet as they can be. I am so sad to see them go, especially one, a friend that I didn't have anything to do with for just over year.... all of them out of my life for a while.

So goodbye white bread with your precious peanut butter and jelly center, I will think of you. Perhaps, with the 40% increase in the cost of peanut butter, it is for the best. So long to you my spuds, you perfect little potatoes, so versatile in our relationship, you let me bake you, fry you, even whip you without a single complaint. Adieu dear ribeye steak, I know, I will miss your blushing pink medium rare center along with yours brothers sirloin, hamburger, roast beef, prime rib and more. You are a great group and I promise you will be in my thoughts. And let me not forget to send a adios to the pride of breakfast, bacon, along with your pork relatives must not longer be allowed to hang around my waistline, it just isn't right.

While I love those above, parting with my closest friends - the junk food gang - is going to be the hardest. I must say bye-bye to the creamy freezer bunch, ice cream, you and all your followers - cones, hot fudge, nuts, sprinkles, etc - all of you have to go. And you Mr. Chip, you are going to have to lose the smirk you were sending French Fries when I was discussing the dismissal of potatoes, for you and your dips, from the simple onion to the exotic garlic and herbs, I must bid tootle-oo. It goes without saying, the beauty of chocolate, from divine little nuggets of a candy Kisses, to the experience of the ultimate decadent temptress - walnut fudge, all must leave my life for right now. Of course, the friends to you all, the perfect compliment, the Soft Drink family are all out of here. Diet Coke, Diet Sundrop, and those sugared siblings are to be replaced by the simple, ever humble water, which I haven't done much visiting with in a long time.

Lastly, and this is the hardest, for I have loved him so, my closest of these friends I must banish from my life - I can hardly think of doing it. For over a year, my friend Fudge Brownie (with nuts) was gone. I thought about him often at first, but as time went on, he became more a of distant, good memory. I could pass over the dessert section on a restaurant menu that featured Brownie Boy with his side kick Ice Cream with not so much as a jealous glance. I had gotten over him, I had moved on.... and then, I got sucked back in - one bite on some sinful evening, I don't even remember when, he oozed back into my life and off the wagon I fell.

After a couple months of hanging with all of these friends, I have gone looking for my wagon again - I think it was hiding out with my willpower, both of them taking a vacation and conspiring to keep me distracted as long as they could. But I found them, along with that darn desire to workout, which, when not fawned over, leaves quickly and quietly, but I am ready to take charge. Tomorrow morning I will head to the gym and make sure I have my lunch packed with water, protein and low calories. It is true, more than true, "parting is such sweet sorrow" and I will miss you all, but if I don't eliminate you from my life, I am going to be sucked down into the underworld of those horrible associates that take me over, you know the ones: Jiggle Butt, Thunder Thighs, Upper Arm Wings, Double Chin and worst of all, the dreaded Cankles!

I figure it will be hard to get over you, but don't worry, you aren't gone from my life forever, I promise. I just have to spend some time alone with the twins - Diet and Exercise - and when they agree that I have reached goal weight and fitness level, I promise, all of you can come visit - but only in small doses - it is what is best for us all.

Future Becomes Past - Caught in a Window Pane

2011-11-06T14:44:00.000-05:00

A bittersweet Sunday afternoon. I have the windows open, a little laundry going and, for the most part, the house is clean. Football is on the TV and I have my bag laid out to pack for the gym in the morning, and I even don't have a cast, tape or brace on a single part of my body. So, all in all, a good day.... but I am still thinking of my Dad and the rest of my family who left yesterday, here for such a short time, missing them already. Family really does make me happy. I look back over the 350 plus pictures taken during the week and within those are a few taken by others, so I am in them. In all of them, the smile on my face shows how I love the family I am surrounded by. Here is the review.... picture heavy, but I will post a real entry after this...

Dad (Pop-Pop) and 'ammy Jean

Tannis posing with Grammy and Poppa

one of many family shots (from left to right, bottom: Justin, Morgan, Tannis, Darren, & Drake. Back row: me, Dad, Geneva, Jean, Rush

my youngest niece and nephew, with Mommy Caitlin (my sister-in-law) in the background, first time we have met - ever.

My dad and brother with my two furbabies.

The boys played together wonderfully

as did the girls

I just realized how many pictures there are to choose from, and there is no way to just put them in here or there. I am going to cheat and just post the links to both of the albums and you can check them if you so choose.

DAD'S VISIT - PART ONE

DAD'S VISIT - PART TWO

Oh, and one random shot... husband took this of me the morning of the Regional Cross Country Meet, I liked how it came out, me messy and all, it was sort of fun.

And yes, it was very cold

Oh, yes, and let us not forget top ten peeves list.... in honor of my father flying this week, here is my

TOP TEN PEEVES ABOUT FLYING

1. Long check in lines with only 2 agents working at a snail's pace. Management KNOWS how many flights are coming and going, staff accordingly, it isn't rocket science.
2. Having to pay for my luggage - isn't that what the big empty space under the plane is for in the first place!
3. Being nearly acoasted by the curbside bag checkers who want a tip for handling your luggage which you're are already paying to travel with.
4. Transferring planes and the gates are so far a part not even a champion sprinter runner could make the connection if your previous flight arrives just a tiny bit late.
5. Rude flight attendants. I am sorry if this is your fifth trip to Poe-Dunk, Egypt and Detroit today.... it is my first and only one today and I would like to not crouch in fear if I ask for a second bag of peanuts.
6. Speaking of peanuts, there is a complete top ten peeve list for just the food that is served (or not served) on flights these days. $5.00 for a mini version of a frozen Lean Cuisine Meal? I think not.
7. The stampede to get off the plane - 120 people crowded into an 18 inch isle all at once simply doesn't work.
8. The ill-behaved four year old who Mommy thinks is "cute" when he screams at the top of his lungs (note: I am not talking about the crying baby, toddler, or even young child. Children have a hard time traveling sometimes and that is understandable - I am talking about the brat that thinks screaming is fun and entertaining and needs a beating to make him/her a bit more socially acceptable).
9. The passenger next to you that literally spills into your seat, hogging the arm rest, resting electronics over the side, using your leg room, and more.
and worst of all
10. Those DAMN TINY SEATS!

The "Should Be" and "Could Be"

2011-10-26T22:16:00.000-04:00

Now that I am back to typing, I should be back to writing, then again, I should be back to doing a lot of things. Right now I should be cleaning my house, I should be doing some laundry, I should be doing some sorting in Drake and Tannis' room, I should be cleaning out.... well, you get the idea. Instead I am sitting, watching Harry's Law, checking a few emails and getting ready to cut me a piece of the homemade apple pie in the kitchen. There, more should be, could be, ... I should be working out, I should be eating healthier, I should be packing my bag for the gym tomorrow... again, here I sit.

Perhaps I should cut myself a break. Things have been rather difficult in my life and the broken toes and then torn up finger sure haven't made it any easier. And it is not like I haven't been doing nothing at all, it is just my efforts have been on less than important things. I have made an apple pie from the apples we brought home from the mountains. I not only made the pie, I made the crust - a big deal, a homemade crust! It was good, really flaky and much easier to do than I thought it would be.

I did at least have a thought or two for a real blog (instead of the rambling here, as it seems I am doing) .... and I also came up with a LIST idea.... Maybe a sort of top ten peeves from me and, if I can, I will finish off each blog with a new list. This list is welcome to input as well, give me lots of them! So, my very first Top Ten Peeve List:

Top Ten Fast Food Peeves

1. Drive-thru, getting a drink and they don't give you a straw.

2. Cold french fries - simply unacceptable.

3. Not getting your order correct, which you don't discover it until you get home.

4. The "pull up and wait" - when you get to the window and they ask you to pull up and wait. This is FAST food, there isn't supposed to be a wait!

5. The menu board/speaker that sounds like nothing but garble.

6. The person that takes your order not understanding or speaking CLEAR English.

7. A rude or indifferent employee ("did it not say McDonalds on the application you filled out!).

8. No napkins.

9. Being bothered or insulted that I ask for ketchup, salt, pepper, sauce or dressing.

10. People who can't count change back, if their register (for some reason) doesn't tell them how much change you get, they can't for the life of them figure it out.

There are Rules for Using GPS in the Mountains - Who Knew!

2011-10-25T00:24:00.000-04:00

First, I must insert, this is my first posting where I am actually typing with all ten digits and no splint. My ring finger is still straight and I can't move it at the midpoint, but I am able to use it, that helps my typing speed no end. Time to write again!

So, as my first dive back into rhetorical attempts, I will relate the exciting (typed with much eye-rolling) events of our annual tailgating weekend in the mountains. I will dot it with photos too as that will allow it to be a bit more interesting, I think.

We have been going to the mountains with our friends Gary and Marsha for several years now. It is always a fun weekend and it always includes a tailgate Saturday of epic proportions with a great Appalachian State Mountaineers (ASU) game. This year was no exception. The food we bring, cook, and create (mostly the guys grill and the women cover everything else) is enough to feed an army and good enough to suit even the snobbiest of tastes. This year it was bbq'd chicken breast, pork lion, shrimp-n-grits and the yummy jalapeno poppers. Add in things like sides, chips, and, of course, the sweets and you have something to eat on all day, especially if you don't drink too much and you can enjoy it!

This year Darren and I decided to go up a day earlier than Gary and Marsha and spend Friday enjoying places in Boone and Banner Elk we normally wouldn't have a chance to see. We both took off Friday and had intended to leave home about 2:00 on Thursday. The drive is approximately five hours and we were looking forward to an evening with a nice dinner and then a bit of time in the hot tub. Well, what is they say, "the best laid plans?" Seems that would be our luck. Due to Darren's job, we didn't get out until hours later than anticipated and we had to stop by our friend's to pick up the condo key. They weren't there, but Lauren, their daughter, gave us a key and off we went. Our nice dinner turned into Mickey D's on the road and, despite our best efforts, we were just making Greensboro about 10:00. We should have had just over an hour to go, but this is where things began to go really wrong.

Despite this being an annual trip, we normally never drive it, we ride with our friends, and most of the time, it is in the dead of the night when we arrive, so we haven't always paid attention to how to get to The Pinnacle Resort, where we stay. No problem, we have the handy GPS - right. Right outside of Boone (which we did know how to get to) I put in the address for the Pinnacle and, not thinking, just had it seek the "SHORTEST" route. After all, it was nearly midnight, I was tired and my brain was blurry.

I am not sure when we began to realize "we hadn't been this way before" - but when the road changed over from two lanes paved to a single road about ten feet wide, we began to worry. But I looked down at the GPS and we were right on course. Then the road started to have a few unpaved areas, a bit more of a tight turn here or there, switchbacks and a lot of bumps. Once we crossed over the PVC pipe bridge, we knew we had the right to be concerned. We were on a road (that the GPS was still approving of) that was just wide enough for our SUV pass. The ground was covered with leaves and it was evident that another vehicle had not passed that way in, at least, weeks. There was a rock-face as high as could be seen on the passenger side and a sheer drop off he mountain on the driver side. The road was a series of ruts from six inches deep to three feet deep. We were committed to going forward simply because there was no way back. It was horrible, for what seemed like hours, and turned out to be 4.5 miles we inched forward. All of the sudden we hit a paved road and just as quickly, it was back to gravel again. I was telling my husband to stay away from the edge (drop off to death) and he was telling me we couldn't get stuck in the ruts, no one would find us for days! I finally, and for the last mile, closed my eyes, grabbed the hand grip and held on (literally) for dear life. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, we came out on a beautiful state road that took us right to our destination - it was only after 2:00 in the morning!

I was never so ready for a bed and sleep. We pulled out all the luggage, coolers, bags and more from the car, all the while being slapped by 35 mph wind at 27 degrees, and made a run for the entrance hall of the condo (careful on the ice and snow dotted stairs). Once inside, we dropped our stuff and dug out the key..... only to discover ..... IT WAS THE WRONG KEY! Yup, stuck in Beech Mountain, population NO ONE after midnight, and we can't get into our condo! For a brief amount of time we considered sleeping in the hallway but it honestly was too cold! Instead we drove back down the mountain (on the paved REAL road) to Banner Elk and a beautiful Best Western. I went in and threw myself on the night clerk's mercy - asking she not charge us an arm, a leg, and perhaps another arm for a room that we needed for all of six hours. When I explained the trip over "Barn Road" (the road GPS took us over), she started laughing and said "well, just don't go back over that road in the day, you will probably die when you see where you just traveled." I think there was some mention of banjo music in there too, I believed her! She told me very clearly, "never, ever, ever use a GPS in the mountains, especially with the shortest routes programed in, it always ends badly, always. You, quite frankly, went over the TOP of one of the highest mountains in North Carolina, not around it, over it!" She did take mercy and gave us the room at nearly half price. We fell into the wonderful double beds at nearly 3:00 in the morning, just short of 12 hours after we left home for our five hour drive!

Friday we had planned to visit Blowing Rock, Boone and ramble around Banner Elk. And we did just that, after picking up the correct key from the realtor and getting settled into the condo. We had a wonderful dinner at a local steakhouse known for their prime rib - and it was awesome prime rib - and then headed back to the condo for an evening of the pool, sauna and hot tub, the plans we had for the night before originally.

Saturday was tailgating and watching ASU putting another one in "W" column. It was a perfect day, not too cold, but with just a nip in the air. The food - amazing, the company even better. Afterwards we came back to the condo to eat some more, reflecting on a great day. Sunday brings us to packing up and heading home. We made good time home and settled back into reality, the last thing in the world I wanted to do. I just wanted to believe that we don't have to come back and live in the adult world yet again.

I know it doesn't sound nearly as dramatic as it was, but the trip over the mountain was scary as hell and the topper was finding out that our key didn't fit our place of rest! It is these sort of things that memories are made of, right? Yup, also those reality shows on the Crime channel where one spouse throws the other over the mountain cliff! At least we both made it home alive from the trip! Here are a few highlights, if interested...

The nice room we got at 3:00 in the morning, nicer than it looked, believe me, maybe it was just because it was warm and the key worked!

ready for one huge pie!

The hot tub was so needed!

out to eat, ready for a good day

Good drink

Good times - with our friend Gary

GO ASU!

Our friend Marsha and I

Another year, another ASU weekend in the books.

Pardon the Interruption

2011-10-09T18:51:00.001-04:00

My writing will be spotty for the next two weeks at minimum. It might be as long as six weeks depending on what the doc says this week. Yes, I do seem to be self-destructive these days. Just 2 days short of six weeks of breaking my toes and foot, I am now struggling with limited us of my left hand.

Thanks to a great escape attempt by Chief (my beloved big baby dog) my hand is braced and taped due to torn tendons in my ring finger. The darn thing hurts worst than a break and the doctor said it would have been better had I broke it.

So I am doing the two finger hunt and peck. I am not very good on it and very slow. I wanted to check in with my blogs and record the date so I can remind myself of just how much of a klutz I am.

Not long after I did it, it got far more colorful and swollen than that. Yup, just call me by my superhero name - Captain Klutz!

Whew! And it Has Just Started!

2011-10-02T14:24:00.000-04:00

Friday was a long awaited day in our house, always is, the last day of the month, PAY DAY! And I knew it was just the first of many really busy days in October. Summer is over, fall is here, doesn't that mean the days are supposed to slow down? Not around our house, or so it seems. Things are ramping up, that is for sure.

Friday night we had a home football game, and it was a perfect night for football, just a bit cool, a breeze and just a cloud in the distance at kick-off. Drake was having a good night hanging with his girls and Tannis was as content as she could be. Morgan had our chairs set out and we were ready to enjoy a night of competitive pigskin exchange. Our team was just getting into a good grove, we had just scored a touchdown that was called back by a holding call, when the "lightening meter" went off. The lightening meter indicates how close there is a lighting strike to the area. We knew there was a good possibility of a rainstorm rolling in and the meter confirmed that it was close. There are rules for high school athletics and you can't play if lightening is within a certain range; add to that, we have aluminum bleachers, which no one wants to be caught sitting on under those conditions.

I have never seen a storm come in so fast. They called time in the game and asked the fans to leave the stands, and we got up to pack up our stuff and head for the car (we park right behind the goal post). Drake's "women" offered to help and thank goodness they did. We looked up and could literally see the wall of rain coming towards us! We all looked like a comic scene out of a movie running with a stroller, 3 chairs, 2 kids, diaper bag, camera bag, soft drinks and popcorn, all at breakneck speed. We made it just by a few seconds and Mr. Kenny Keith (the other AP at school and the way everyone refers to him - as "Mr. Kenny Keith") asked us if we wanted to get in the van and watch a movie, which we did. Drake was amazed - seems it might be time for us to get a traveling van for Drake to ride around in!

Tannis even checked out Good Burger on the TV

Mr. Kenny Keith has a friend for life now.

The game finally ended up rained out and we will finish it tomorrow night. I hope we can stay on that great roll we had Friday night going.

Saturday was Tannis' dedication or Legacy as the church calls it. Drake went through his at about the same age (3-1/2 months) and it was sweet to see it now with Tannis. Justin's family came in and of course Elisa and Melissa where there. Afterwards we went to the new Japanese Hibachi Grill and Buffet and enjoyed a big family meal together.

Baby Girl on Her Day

our group, left to right: Elisa (long-time family/friend - Morgan and Dallas' godmother), Candace (Dallas' other half), Dallas (son), Darren (husband), me (self-explanatory, lol), Marcia (Justin's mom), Alissa (Justin's sister), Butch (Justin's dad) with Tannis, Justin (the Daddy), Heather (Justin's sister) with Drake, Morgan (the Mommy) and Melissa (Morgan's long-time family/friend).

We are proud grandparents!

Happy Family

I like this of us.

My mom with Tannis

Mom and I

More of us.

Tonight we are headed out for a birthday party and cookout for Dallas' 25th birthday. And that will wrap up this weekend. Tomorrow we have the make up football game and then the next weekends are crazy, from family cookout, to App State tailgating weekends, to my father visiting and more! Before we know it, it is going to be November and then the holidays are right around the corner. Guess they are right, the time goes by faster when you get old! lol.

And that is the catch up on the mundane!

I Want My Easy Button

2011-09-27T16:18:00.000-04:00

I am not one to usually whine - rant, go on and on, interject my opinion, yes, all of those - but not whine, especially in the social networking world. I feel like whining on Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc... is TMI for one thing, and just makes you look like, well, a whiner, so I don't do - except today.

Actually, I don't want to whine so much as I want to question why life doesn't have a "do-over" button? I really would like one of those right now, even better, maybe we just need one of those "easy" buttons we see on the commercials. Think about it. We are a very advanced society, we have all sorts of technology and it grows by leaps and bounds every day. Why can't we create some sort of switch that, when life gets too tough, we can just throw it and everything is either easier or undone and we can get another shot at it.

I think invention is the real deal. Forget the 3D HD televisions, the advanced OnStar GPS, the complex computer programs and applications being created, how hard could it be to create this advance? I guarantee it, if someone could create a workable version of it, they would be richer than Bill Gates overnight. Problem is, I think it would need some divine intervention to create and I don't think the higher powers that be believe we need to figure this all out on our own, in stead we need to learn from our accomplishments and even more so, our failures, and only then should things get easier. But that is certainly the hard way and I still would love to have one of those easy buttons!

Stepping Out Naked

2011-09-26T11:03:00.001-04:00

Oh come on people, you know me better than that, did you really think this would be about me going out sans apparel? Although, considering it is nearly 100 degrees in my office (yes, literally nearly 100), being without clothes doesn't seem to be an entirely unpleasant thought after all. ANYHOW, what is naked, without any covering for the first time in over five weeks now are my big and second toes on my right foot. Yup, the broken toes have healed enough that I can finally put on something besides my gym shoes. I have a pair of black (flat) strappy sandals on which has also allowed me to wear a dress to work for the first time in those five weeks as well.

My big toe still looks pretty yucky, but then again, I am not a big fan of feet and toes to begin with and I don't think, even if I was, I would consider my toes to be anything exceptional in the foot fashion world. I simply am not into feet but I have certainly missed being able to clad mine in anything but the most basic of shoes.

I generally spend from the end of March to the end of October in my Rainbow or Sanuk sandals. I have basic ones, one that go with jeans or casual wear, some that can be dressed up and even a pair or two that are perfect for "big girl dress up" - and I haven't been able to wear a single pair for over five weeks. Even to run the dogs out I have had to wear these waterproof, clunky slippers. It was a great thrill yesterday to spend the day barefoot without toe wrapping and even have Chief bump into me and it not send me reeling in pain. It was then that I knew I could finally dispense with the de-mobilization of the toe part of my foot. Now, the break a little higher is still healing and it will take a little big longer, but this is a big step has been passed. I have to have my foot taped still but the space between the big and second toe is now free to have something slipped between it and securely fasten leather and sparkles to my streetwise limb.

Can you tell I am happy to be "toe-cast" free? And sad to say, that was pretty much the highlight to my weekend. Not that my weekend was bad, far from it, I had a pretty pleasant time, but just not a lot going on. I am in a bit of a rut and part of that does come from the thing with my toes. I have only been to the gym twice since this happened and it was pretty much an unsuccessful undertaking both times. Not working out and less than healthy eating routine has got me down and it is time to reverse the effects. Time to head back to the gym!

I will promise, however, no naked me nor no naked toes at the gym, it is bad enough to have to wear the shorts and tank right now as it is!

Inside My Brain

2011-09-25T17:38:00.000-04:00

My FaceBook status this morning said:

Sometimes I wish I could live in someone's head besides mine, need a vacation from mine. Anyone have some rental space in theirs for a while?

And I was a bit surprised about some of the responses. Seems everyone would rather stick with what they have instead of chance sharing brain space with someone else. Can't say I blame them, not sure anyone would really want is going on deep in my brain (and yes, as "some" of my friends and family roll their eyes, I am sure there is SOMETHING in there).

Today I have tried to give my brain a little bit of a rest. I have had a headache for over a week that I just can't seem to shake and I thought maybe just an easy day would manage to ease the throbbing - no such luck. It really has, for the most part, been a quiet weekend. We had a good game Friday night although Drake had enough and Morgan and I called it early in the 3rd quarter. I think Tannis was ready to stick the rest of the night out - she loves being outside.

Drake spent the night with us and we took him to see The Lion King - not in 3D. I didn't see the need to pay the extra and didn't figure Drake would keep the glasses on anyhow. He sure does enjoy his movie and popcorn. This is the first time "Coach" has gone with him to the movies...

He is usually very good at the movies, but I think the intensity some of the scenes (mostly dealing with Scar and the hyenas) are a lot scarier than they are when you are watching it on TV, and it just got to be a little much for him. We left about 10 minutes early. It was so nice out, I love Mayfaire, the atmosphere is just welcoming and feels like a bit of a party even on a Saturday afternoon. Drake enjoyed looking and walking everywhere. I think he had as much fun outside as he had in the movies.

Justin picked him up and this "old grandma" needed some rest after 24 hours of the Drake-a-saurs. We did do a quick mall stop and headed home for a quiet evening.

Today has been much of the same. Watching football, a little laundry and still trying to contend with this headache. It isn't bad at home but boy does it become bothersome when I am at work. I have no idea what is causing it.

Oh, and the responses to my status questions were fun, but I have to give credit to my friend Robin with the best one. She said:

"I know a few people who have an exorbitant amount if vacancy, but I'm not sure you'd wanna go there!"

Amen to that one girl, I believe it! And I think I will, no matter what is in it, I will stick to my own brain space.

I Celebrate While Others Mourn.

2011-09-22T12:47:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow morning about 9:00 am you might come in to my office and see me do a little "happy dance." Why? Because tomorrow is the first day of AUTUMN! Yup, goodbye summer, see you next year, hello fall, please hurry and cool off so I can pull out the sweaters and jeans!

I truly loathe summer. With the exception of going on vacation, which we only recently started to do, I just don't find much value in summer. Our jobs and lifestyle, for the most part, keep us from the beach and the heat is so oppressive; it is just hard to like those four plus months a year. North Carolina summers have a tendency to start out with a bang (often spring lasts all of a week) and still want to hang around, going away and then crouching back in whenever possible all the way through October. I am ready, by September first, but I know that to many this is just too early. But now the calendar reads September 22, which is the last full day of summer. COME ON FALL! It is only reasonable to expect cool crisp mornings and shorts and sweater type of evening.

We got a tease, all last week was in the high 70s and then low 80s, so I really had this secret little hope that fall weather was on the way and BAM - today kicked back with summer's nastiness! It is in the high 80s, has been raining off and on so it is sticky as heck and just feels like YUCK outside! I knew, I knew it was too good to be true. Now I will sit around and wait for the really cool weather which, in NC, won't settling into until the day AFTER Thanksgiving. That is right, it seems predestined that Thanksgiving day, when we are packing 30 people into my in-laws house, it has to be in the 80s. No amount of a/c can help when you have all those people close, five pots on the stove and a turkey and pies to be cooked! And then, during the dark of night, on the very eve of Black Friday, suddenly the mercury drops and all the ~~idiots~~, ummmm shoppers stand freezing waiting for the doors to fly open and the sales to begin!

Anyhow, at least the calendar is going to mark it. And since we are nearly through September the cooler temperatures have to be getting a little closer. And I love fall! I can't wait to go get some pumpkins! We have lots of babies around here to snap some pictures of, it should be a fun time. Welcome my old friend Fall, I sure have missed you.

All I Can Say, "It's About Time"

2011-09-20T18:28:00.002-04:00

Growing up there was a group of true hot button issues that would insure an argument in almost any crowd. Abortion, Legalization of Marijuana, Capital Punishment, and lastly, homosexuality were all a subject that everyone had an opinion they felt strongly about. Rarely did someone say, "ahhh, no big deal, whatever" when asked their thoughts on any of these topics. Through the years, I like to think we as a society have come debate these differing opinions in a much more civil way. And changes have come...

Today the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for the military went into effect. I saw it on the headline of MSNBC this morning in a passing glance and simply smiled and moved on to the next subject, as I figure most would. But I was surprised when a young student pulled up the same page and nearly exploded in anger. He asked my opinion, which I normally try to keep out of my academic job, but this time I responded. "I realize the difficulty of the mindset of some members of the military to accept this, but I for one am glad to see that yet another instance of prejudice has been legally outlawed." Simply put, people's views on homosexuality either way, this is a case where a group of people are being discriminated against and that should not be acceptable in this country.

This young man's argument was that the military is "different" than normal society. He is considering joining the Marines and, in doing so, following his father and his father's father before him. He said that it is just not right that the military is being forced to have someone they are uncomfortable with serving. I countered IF that was the way things SHOULD be (according to archaic military ideals), there would not be women serving in combat or moved into positions of officers. He said he still wasn't sure women should be in these positions (which is when I knew there would be no use in debating with him). But I tried one last appeal. This young man was Muslim and of Middle Eastern decent, prejudice is something I figured he has experienced in his lifetime, how could he approve of legalized discrimination?

And that is what this issue is about: eliminating yet another case of discrimination. I can't imagine going to work every day and never being able to talk about my mate. I can't imagine worrying that my job could be in jeopardy if my dating habits were secretly examined. And that is what gay service members have lived with. "While don't 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was in place, more than 13,000 service members lost their jobs because they violated the ban on gays and lesbians in the military" (msnbc.com). How can you justify someone losing their job over their choice of partner? The young man then countered that was the problem, "it wasn't his choice to be of Middle Eastern decent, but it was their choice to enter the military (knowing the policy), just as it was their choice to be gay." Again, I wondered why I was even trying to reason with him. I said, "Okay, say, and just for the sake of your argument, that being being gay is a CHOICE, do we still have the right to discriminate against someone making that choice? Because if that is the case, we are one step away from someone booting you from the military because you CHOOSE to be Muslim. When personal choice, such as religion, become a LEGAL reason to discriminate, this country is on a slippery slope to destruction." There is no difference in discriminating against gays than there is in a religious choice (and that is still saying that being gay is a lifestyle choice, something I, and most people don't believe to begin with).

Being redundant, at this point, I knew I wasn't going to win the battle because this young man had already dug in with his prejudices, and no amount of reasoning was going to change his mind. But I am glad it had come up. It gave me pause to think how much of a big deal this ruling is. I have friends that I truly cherish that are gay, and one of those has served in the military. The entire time he was in, he had to deny himself who he was. This was done because he wanted to serve his country. Just doesn't seem fair in any way. To be in the military, to serve our country and possibly die for it is one of the most honorable things I think a person can do. It is an opportunity available to ANY CITIZEN of this country, and now it can be.

"The discriminatory law known as ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is finally and formally repealed. As of today, patriotic Americans in uniform will no longer have to lie about who they are in order to serve the country they love.... For more than two centuries, we have worked to extend America’s promise to all our citizens....Today, every American can be proud that we have taken another great step toward keeping our military the finest in the world and toward fulfilling our nation’s founding ideals" (MSNBC).

We Interrupt these Rants...

2011-09-18T13:05:00.001-04:00

I haven't written nearly as much as I like or should, but I have managed to get to my keyboard more lately than I have this past year or so. I keep trying to recommit myself to writing everyday but things always seem to get in the way. And then I manage to write something I am really passionate about and the blog gets a bunch of hits or comments and I, like the true self-serving nature of a writer, want to write something that will draw readers back again and again. And those posts are fine, but the original intent of my blog was as a personal expression of my life and thoughts as well as a place to create works of interest for others to read. I have kept up the later part but let down on the simple updates of my life. Those details are probably of interest to very few people, but, by recording them, I have a historical record of the last ten years, and I enjoy that. So, if you are the reader that comes here for my soapbox rants, you might just scoot on to the next blog... this won't be of much interest to you. If you are of those very few that are actually interested in what is going on in my life... feel free to read on.

I make it no secret, I am not a fan of summer. Although I have never been diagnosed with it, I truly believe I have Reverse Season Affective Disorder (RSAD). I have been like this since I was a kid, and I have never grown out of it. While other celebrate the arrival of summer, I dread it, and simply count down the weeks until we arrive in mid October when the days finally cool down a bit NC and I know fall has truly arrived. We are almost there and I am looking forward to a lifting of my mood, perhaps then I will write more as well.

In the meantime, the summer has been as good as it can be. Early summer brought us Tannis and she has been a joy. The more time I have spent with her one on one, the more I am reminded of her brother at that age. She really is precious and I have loved hanging out with her. I try to get the kids at separate times when I can because it is easier to spend individual attention on them that way.

But there are good times too when I have their mommy with me as well .... we make our own sort of fun. There has been plenty of time to keep them as Morgan has been working steady since July, she and Justin, now that they are finally back in their house, are doing very well. Just a couple of months now and Justin will be a certified teacher, and that is sort of a big deal. We are pretty proud of him for going back for a second degree to move his life and family forward.

In August it was back to the regular routine of the school year. It has been a bumpy one for a reason or two, but life is trying to settle back into a norm. We are back to football and that is a good thing, our family loves some football and for us it is Friday night, Saturday and Sunday, and then occasionally on Monday or Thursday night depending on who is playing. I am also shooting this year so I am spending time on the sidelines again and that is something I haven't been able to enjoy doing for years. Now I am getting a shot at it again (yes, I noticed the pun as I wrote it).

Let's see, for purpose of updating my life, the only other significant thing I can think of to post is the Great Naval Piercing Saga. I had my belly button pierced about 15 years ago (I think, I don't exactly remember) and have never let it heal over. I have always had a simple bar or ring in it. Most of those 15 years it was never seen because, even if I was in a bathing suit, I was in a one-piece, I certainly didn't care for anyone to see my (over-sized) belly. When I lost the weight, one of the first places on my body to get in shape was the return of my flat stomach. I was finally belly button ring worthy and I invested in a couple dangling jewels. Good idea, at least until Friday night. Tannis and I were hanging out together and I decided we would go for a walk. I put her in her carseat and grabbed it to snap into the stroller, as I did, it slipped out of my hands for just a moment, short enough time for me to catch it but long enough for it to get caught on and take, rather, rip out my belly button ring. Not a pretty sight, I assure you. And yes, in answer to the question I have been asked a lot in the last couple days, it hurt like heck! And it bled like I had been chopped with a meat cleaver (well, not that bad, but it was pretty nasty). I was glad to find that it ripped out in such a way that I didn't have to have the hole stitched back together, so I just packed it so the bleeding would stop and took Tannis out for her walk. Yesterday I went to see the piercer at the place I originally got my piercing. He said that I could have it done again but needed to wait four weeks at least to let it heal. So, that is what I will do.....

Yup, that is the limit of the excitement around here. Maybe I should find the soapbox to drag back out.... makes for much better reading.

Then Get Out of the Booth Chubby!

2011-09-15T11:11:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you see or read about something that just makes you say "WOW" or "REALLY???" I have to admit, it can take a lot to shock me (and I do mean A LOT considering some things that have directly happened in my life these days) but it manage to happen this evening. I was checking out the latest news on MSNBC tonight and ran across an article entitled:

Big Guy Sues White Castle Over Small Booths

And yes, that is EXACTLY what it sounds like. Some fatso (excuse me, let me be PC - a person who suffers with a "large mass disability") is suing White Castle restaurants because he can't get his nearly 300 pound butt in a booth at the fast food place and that is problem for him. Perhaps the bigger problem might be that he has been eating the company's famous Sliders for over 51 years, even despite the fact that he is now grossly obese.

Again, I could get going on the rant of us fat Americans. We are overweight, out-of-shape and jiggly, and even worse than that, we are seriously unhealthy. The rate of heart attacks, strokes, diabetes and other weight related health issues is claiming at break-neck speed. Our cost for medical treatments and insurance is climbing and much of it is due to the cost of treating the ailments and complications that come from obesity. Add to that, as a group, the grossly obese make up a major group in the unemployed stats as well as those receiving disability (my future social security money quickly being drained). Truth is, John Q. Public is paying a good chunk for people that can't push away from the table.

Maybe if this fellow could have pushed away from the table just a bit, he would now be able to fit in White Castle's booths! This man's story just further fuels my rant about our weight and health problem in America. If being overweight entitles you to a classification of disabled, this country is in trouble. The man is suing White Castle claiming he is disabled by way of being fat, ummmm, large mass disabled. And there is legal stirrings to make this valid as the article points out....

"One type of claimed disability that is increasingly thesubject of litigation is obesity. Although courts initially were reluctant torecognize obesity as a qualifying disability for purposes of ADA protection,courts are increasingly willing to consider obesity as a disability givingplaintiffs status to raise ADA claims."

So now the trend seems to be that I can spend my time parked on my behind stuffing down fast food and, in a few simple years, will be big enough to not only apply for disability but then to sue a company for not accommodating my a fore mentioned overly enlarged butt in their restaurant as I stuff down more l empty calories. Ain't America grand!

side note: as a formerly big person, now normally proportioned, I understand just how hard it is to get thin and healthy, and I have real feeling and understanding for those who are struggling with being heavy. I also suffer from a disease that literally puts weight on me even when I eat nothing, so I also know that obesity isn't always a choice. My problem is, too many are fat simply because of laziness, unhealthy food choices and overeating - that was me. At some point, when people can't fit into a fast food diner booth, they have to take ownership of their disease (and yes, obesity is a controllable disease) and back away from the table, instead of looking for someone or some company to blame, much less sue!

Be a Cliche' - It Can be a Good Thing.

2011-09-12T17:13:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was the first time I failed to write about 9-11 on the anniversary of the terrorist attacks. I had intended to but the day ended up being much about sharing time with family and in remembrance by way of our church service and the ceremonies we watched on television. I thought everything was so beautifully done and a very special way to remember, not just the victims, but the emergency workers that gave so much during that time.

I have been fairly emotional lately and every time I heard "Amazing Grace" I couldn't stop the waterworks from flowing. "It is Well" did about the same thing. There is just so much going on, it makes it hard to not get a bit discouraged from time to time. But I did take this weekend and the unexplainable and useless actions of 9-11 ten years ago to remember to put things in perspective. Life can hand out some pretty harsh blows sometimes and we need to be able to heal from those, but that said, do we really need to blow up over the relatively small stuff in comparison? I mean, truly, the saying "don't sweat the small stuff" comes to mind. When I get cut off in the parking lot, when a store clerk is rude, when a co-worker or student snaps at me, or any number of minor offenses or personal affronts that can happen in a day, is it really worth getting upset over?

Perspective is something most people can use more of, myself included. When I want to be selfish, when I want to demand my turn, or expect someone to consider my feelings, I need to question myself as to just exactly when I have done the same for others. The only way this country, our economy, our morals, and more can change is through the actions of individuals. If every single person in this country practiced just one random act of kindness every single day - I wonder how different a world we would be living in. I can't change the world, but I can change me, and maybe, just maybe that make a difference somewhere, somehow, in someone.

Much Larger Range, Much Tighter Focus

2011-09-07T17:15:00.000-04:00

Life has a way of turning corners and slapping you with surprises, my life is no exception. I have had a couple things happen recently that, despite them being totally unexpected, have given me pause to think. I have tried forever, or so it seems, to network to give different areas of my career a boost or further direction and I have just seemed to stagnate. During this time I wasn't writing nearly enough, in fact I have barely written anything in the past couple months. I couldn't find the subject matter and when I did, I couldn't find the words. My work wasn't coming out of me much less available for any sort of networking.

As much as I hate not having full and tight control over my life, sometimes it is better to just take some time to go with the flow. As I have done this lately, I have discovered the ability to write again. The words have been pouring out at an amazing rate. It feels so good. In turn I have also been checking in on colleague's and friend's work as well. It is a refreshing change from being so caught up in the rat race of trying to control my life to be able to sit back and let the words flow. And it has helped me understand something more as well. I have stepped back and looked at the big picture, even the huge picture, seeing what is happening with others and how I am not the only person in the world experiencing any range of emotion, from bliss to despair. My life is important, but no more so than another, so when I tend to get short or want to judge another, I ask myself how would someone else see me. There are times I know people don't see me as the person I am. Some assume the worse, others actually think a lot more of me than I do of myself. It is the nature of things. I plan to try to smile every day and maybe put a smile on someone else's face that truly needs it. BUT I also plan to focus in on me, to find this person who has been writing these words and make friends with me again. I will work hard to go easy on me and give me time to find my center. So, my range of the world will be wide and accepting but I also will bring in a pinpoint focus to me and be just as kind to myself as I have been to that big world.

All sounds very cryptic, right? Well, I guess it is, but I can sum it all up in saying that I am happy the words are all coming again and maybe that is a sign of what is good and right to come. I can hope, I can only hope.

Oh, and the networking? the opportunities? they are now coming from all directions, how ironic!

So, you want to blame the teacher?

2011-09-07T11:12:00.000-04:00

Okay, excuse me, here I go, let me drag out that soapbox and climb up a few steps. If you are not in a mood for a rant, you might want to skip over this one, especially if you aren't interested in the state of education and/or public school teachers.

I wrote an entry a while back titled If You Can Read This, Thank a Teacher, Better Yet.... It was the beginning of the school year and I was commenting on the job our teachers are tasked with in today's educational system. I have removed the moderated comments feature and therefore people can leave notes with or without their name. Doing it that way will lead to some spam and some nut jobs sometimes, but it also allows people to be more honest in their responses. And I got some great responses, both pro and con but one in particular really got my attention on the above subject, as I was wondering just what point they were trying drive home. And no disrespect to this person but she said:

"It says thank a teacher if I can read. Does that include my father since it was he that taught me to read and not any school teacher?"

I tried to understand why I got so peeved at this, maybe it was the tone, the underlying suggestion that teachers don't teach, or a disappointment in the educational system perhaps? And if it was, I can understand that, but I also have my own crusade to wage in defense of teachers and I certainly won't allow this note to change how I feel on that one.

First of all, I would say, "Good for your father for teaching you because that is what parents are supposed to do." By the time I entered kindergarten (back in the Dark Ages) I could sight read several books, I knew my colors, numbers, letters, address, even my parents name (which meant NAME, not just "mommy" or "daddy") and I could even tie my shoes. My parents had done their job to prepare me for school and to help my teacher teach. Teachers today don't have that luxury. Five-year-olds are entering school barely potty trained, too many can't do any of the above things I mentioned, and, what is worse, they have no social skills and manners. So, when a teacher should be teaching, instead she is tying shoes, pulling up pants and trying to make Little Johnny "play nice."

By the time children move up a few years, many are already left behind because teachers have overcrowded classrooms, mountains of paperwork, a system that lacks the ability to help and demands tasks that simply cannot be completed in a 40 hour work week. Mainstreaming and special programs are now required and teachers from kindergarten to high school must now teach to students of all levels in a single (packed to the gills) classroom. This requirement means a teacher must teach at the most basic level to accommodate the lower achieving students but try to create work to challenge the average and advanced students. And this must be achieved because end-of-grade (EOG) and end-of-course (EOC) test scores MUST achieve a certain score. These EOG and EOC scores are used to determine job evaluations, school achievement grades and, if they are high enough, pay bonus.

Add to the teaching element, educators are now required to be etiquette coaches, behavioral management counselors, and nearly every other thing that parents should be doing. Dealing with foul-mouthed, defiant students, cheating, apathy, insolence, drug problems, bullying, and other behavior disorders leads to far too little time for actual teaching in a classroom. There is always the added bonus of parents who truly believe it is the teacher's job to make Little Johnny behave and will attack the teacher's competency and dedication every time their little darling gets into trouble. It could never be their child's problem or fault, therefore it has to be the teacher's instead.

And what is the reward for all this joy and exceptional working conditions? A starting salary (NC) of about $24,000 and a top out salary (after 10 years experience) of $42,000. All of that is before you consider a bottom of the barrel insurance plan that costs the average teacher $560 a month for a family (with no dental or eye coverage, decreasing prescription coverage and an out-of-pocket of $2,000 or more) and other deductions. Then add the final frosting to the cake, with all of the budget cuts teachers are now basically responsible to buying most supplies out of pocket or asking their students to pick up the cost. This is what they get for their four-year education and often student loans of $60,000 or more. Compare that to an individual that has a four-year degree in business (banking) or accounting. The average starting salary for an investment banker is $63,000 with a ten year salary of well over six figures. An account's average starting salary is $49,500 with a ten year figure of between $80,000 and $110,000 depending on area of practice. Both of these vocations require the exact same amount of school as does a public teacher. Which (as a side note) says to me, the public values the people who take care of their money much more than they do the people who teach their children. Sort of sad, isn't it? One last tidbit, most teacher's haven't received a raise within the last several years because of budget cuts, wages have been frozen, all the while the cost of living is soaring.

So again I say to the individual who left me the note, "good for your Dad - and you" - but if you are implying that teachers didn't teach you and they were less than worthy of praise I poured out, I truly take exception to your reasoning. Those who choose teaching as a profession don't go into for the money, it isn't even for the summer vacation and holidays off... they go into it because they love children and education and they want to share this. The fact is they are often slammed in the face with the realization there isn't much room for teaching and sharing the joy of knowledge; there simply aren't enough hours in the day. Teaching is quickly being replaced by student management and daytime housing for our youth. No, this isn't what any of us want, and it sure isn't what teachers sign on for, but the system is failing. Solutions must be found and teachers must be supported. If Little Johnny can't keep up or behave than Little Johnny (for the sake of the teacher AND the other students) needs to be somewhere else other than the standard classroom. Parents need to back up the teachers, administration and school, opening their eyes to the fact that "it could be their child - or their own fault" they aren't learning. And that might be the biggest problem of all, our country has become a population of whiners who, rather than step up to the plate and take responsibility, want to pass the buck to anyone and everyone else. You want your child to get a good education, do as this father did, begin teaching them yourself (from basic manners and hygiene to educational skills) from the time they are babies and then follow through with school. Make yourself known to the teachers, support their efforts, volunteer if you can and for goodness sakes, take the time to go over your children's work, checking homework and talking to them about what is going on in school; that is the best gift you can give your child and ultimately their teachers.

.... feel free to comment and I am packing up the soapbox until the next time.

Reality - the Final Frontier

2011-09-05T19:29:00.001-04:00

I love science fiction, I think I always have. My love of the genre possibly could have come from two things when I was young - a novel by Madeleine L'Engle titled A Wrinkle in Time (a Newbery Medal Award winner) and the original Gene Roddenberry television series Star Trek. Both of these bits of pop culture of the late 1960 - early 1970s had a big influence on me. I had little outlet for my curiosity because of how I was raised, and being able to read the novel (through a school book report assignment) gave me my first literary view of a world larger than mine. Star Trek was on TV in a time slot that, for some reason, I was able to watch without parental interference (my mother would have never allowed it, had she known I was watching it). Consequently, I found a belief that we (as humans) are not the only beings out there in the big, infinite place known as space.

I have never lost that love of all that is questionable to our reality, i.e., aliens, time travel, supernatural, and nearly limitless possibilities of technology. And yes, I do believe .... I believe there are "others" out there, I believe there are things that our mind can do that we have yet to learn, I believe there is technology yet to be created that will allow us to do things that we once believed could only be accomplished as "miracles." Through this all, I have loved the genres that bring us these ideas. TV shows and movies such as Battlestar Galatica, Star Trek TNG, Star Gate, Star Wars, Alien, and X-Files just to name a few have delighted me. When, the Sci-Fi (now SyFy) channel came along nearly 20 years ago, I was thrilled. New shows and movies, even old B-horror movies were now available in my livingroom. The channel gave us its own original series and movies and I loved the likes of Roswell, Firefly, Farscape, Tin Man, Children of Dune, and Taken. All of these have entertained me in so many ways.

Today, as we often done on holidays past, Darren and I have set about to enjoy a movie marathon session at home. As we were trying to decide which one on DVD or Netflix we would watch, we were channel surfing and ran across a Star Trek movie marathon on one of the Cinemax channels. They are showing them all, even the even numbered ones, which we all know just aren't as good. We decided that is what it is to be. We came in during the adventures of Kahn and him eventually vowing (quoting from Moby Dick), "To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!" We brought Spock back to life and then took him to rescue the whales. Now we are watching Kirk question why "God" would need his Enterprise to get back past the end of space. We still have the meetings with the Klingons in The Undiscovered Country and more.

And through this I noticed something today, I count myself lucky to be living in a time of science fiction's great evolution into reality. The Star Trek series debuted in 1967. Star Trek - The Motion Picture opened in 1979 and spun off a movie nearly every other year for over a decade. From there came other series along with their own set of movies and now the latest installment, the early stories of the original characters. When watching these shows and movies you realize just how much our lives have made advancements. Not only are many of the ideas of the early Star Trek shows and movies now reality, much of the technology that went into to making them is now evident. In The Voyage Home, the Enterprise team attempts to locate and bring back a pair of humpback whales into the future. They had a hard time getting their exact position and had to eventually rely on tracking devices to find them. That movie was made in the mid 80s, now we have GPS, a simple device to use, but one that had yet to have been publicly created and introduced for the movie to use. When anyone watched the original show, they thought how cool it would be to have a communicator Kirk and Spock had. Now we not only have that in a pocket size cell phone, we have a camera, internet and face-to-face chat capability as well. In most science fiction movies, and especially the Star Trek franchise, we see a scanner that is run over the body to reveal an injury or aliment, those scanners are all medical realities now. And look at the special effects from then until now, it can't even begin to compare when you look at ship models being pushed across a black matte on (often visible) wires to the CGI of today. Science fiction has become reality.

It took thousands of years to understand, harvest and then use electricity and yet from that time, less than a couple hundred years for us to land on the moon. Our reality and capabilities are rushing forward at break-neck speed and I love watching it all happen. As often is the case, we have to ask "does Hollywood mirror reality or does reality often come after concepts are brought to the screen in Hollywood?" Either way, I love to watch it.

The only thing that does sadden me a bit in thinking of all this is the loss of the USA's space program. When our last shuttle came down and docked, something of huge importance was lost. So many people don't understand that so much of our technology today, the very internet you are using to read this, came from developments created by man's attempt to explore space. America led the race to the moon because we led the race to newer, better, greater technology. With the shutdown of our space program, will that also lead to our further decline in the advancements of all sorts for the future? It has been said, "if you can conceive it, it can be done." For that reason, I am glad for the further creation of science fiction. If our space program can't be creating it, maybe our media will - at least the idea of it - and the technology can continue. Until then, I just have to make sure I have my stockpile of Star Trek, Star Wars, Ironman, 4400 and more... it will at least entertain me on these holiday weekends. ... oh, and hope that one day I will be able to simply beam over to the other coast to visit my family - no worry about motion sickness or airport delays that way!

Some Things Just Feel so Good

2011-09-03T15:08:00.004-04:00

Sometimes we need something that makes us feel good. Life can be difficult and a brief relief in that struggle can often come in the most unexpected ways. Last night, that happened for me, last night I felt good and it happened in a very good way.

I have been shooting high school football for over 20 years now. Some seasons were contracted, some were paid, others were a donation of my services, and yet others were just because I wanted to. The last couple years I have done very little shooting, instead I have stood on the sidelines enjoying the responsibility of letting Drake learn and fall in love with the game. He has had the rare opportunity of spending every fall season of his life so far directly on the field with the players and coaches. As much as I have loved doing this with him, we all knew this season would be a little different. Most obviously, there is a newer little member on the sideline as baby Tannis has taken her place with her brother in experiencing the game, but more than that, this season is different - and I wanted to make sure I got a photographic record of it. This year, the Pender Patriot team is being guided by a special young man, Coach Tony Hudson is at command and it is one of those stories that makes me smile.

Back in the mid 1990s Darren was in the middle of his football coaching years and we as a family were enjoying the experience a lot. Morgan was cheering, Dallas was working the sidelines as a ball boy and I was shooting. There were many great kids that came through the program, suiting up to play for four years with us, but every now and then, there was a kid that was really special, one that touched your heart. Tony Hudson was a running back, linebacker and played safety too, but more than that, he was always the player on the field, that, even though he came with great intensity, always had the biggest smile on his face (and the boy could drink more milk than you could ever imagine). You could tell, he loved the game, he loved the coaches, he loved being there, and he brought everything!

Tony was the first player that Darren coached that continued his football career into college. The years he was there (Wofford College), the coaching team from Pender took the drive up 1-40 into the mountains to watch him play at that level. His name came up often and the smile he had brought to the field at Pender was seen on the faces of his coaches and teachers in the years after he was gone from high school. And then, just a couple years later Tony returned to the school football fields of Pender County replacing his old coach (Darren, when he left teaching for graduate school) in both the classroom and on the field as a teacher/asst. coach at Trask High School under the leadership of Glenn Sellers. It was something that happens sometimes for coaches/teachers, having the player/student come back to replace you and it is a feel good thing.

This past spring when Pender coach Tom Eanes, after taking the Patriots all the way to competing in the state championship, took a new position at a bigger school, Tony was hired to take over. His life came full circle, the smiling high school player became the head coach.

Taking over a program that had contended for the state championship and then graduated seventeen starters is not an easy task. But Tony just jumped in and did what he always has done, worked hard with a great attitude and that darn smile. The first two games of his head coaching career were losses but then came last night. A twist of fate (and totally senseless act) prevented Pender from playing its home game against Whiteville on their field, even though it was their home game. The field was unplayable and Trask, our sister high school, allowed us to play on their field. At Trask, the very field where Tony had started his high school coaching career, the Patriots took the field last night. And I stood, camera in hand, ready to record the results.

It had been so long since I had felt like I belonged on that sideline shooting. I stepped out a bit timidly at first (still nursing my broken toes) and started to shoot, and the Patriots started to hit, and run, and throw, and jump, and score! When, fairly early, the Patriots went up 8 to 7, a special feeling started to buzz, when it then became 14-7, you could feel it in the air. I was snapping, and I was cheering, and I looked over and I caught Tony's eye .... that smile! There it came, spreading over his face, he smiled at me, and me at him, and I remembered that kid from so long ago, and it was a perfect moment. I was having so much fun! I felt so good and it was great!

And it just got better! Pender won, Tony got his first victory as a varsity coach and it was a special event to be at all around. Tony took the field and, for the first time as a varsity coach, got a win with the Pender Patriots, the team he had played so hard for in high school. AND he got his first victory on the very field (Trask) that he had started his high school coaching career. A jumble of events, of people, of situations, and most of all, a special person, came together for a unique and very special win.

Yes, there were tears, and they all felt so good! And it was special to see a connection that had begun so very many years ago come full circle! Congratulations to the Pender Patriots, Coach Tony Hudson and those coaches who guided him along the way (Darren LaFon, Gary Lewis, Del Culver, Bill Mercier, Ed Gilroy, Glenn Sellers, Darren Willis, Larry Jones, and his college coaches) this is a victory you all can share!

Starting teacher/coach (1990s) ...................................... $22,000 yearly

Trips to watch a former player play college ball ..... $500

Gallons of milk we bought for him ...................... $50

Watching Tony's smile as he won his first game

PRICELESS!

If you can read this, thank a teacher, better yet, how about a gift card.

2011-08-16T18:30:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow it begins again; the fall semester is upon us. Students from 5 to 85 are getting ready to hit the books. New kindergarteners are starting on at least 12 more years of academia; 18 year old teenagers are getting ready for their high school senior year, the last year of study associated with childhood; and adults from the young to the non-traditional senior citizen student will begin their days of higher education, it is what this time of year is all about. For me it means a return to my regular work schedule. Over the summer I worked a few hours and then had a couple weeks off and now it is time to start again.

Somehow this impending deadline has finally pushed me out of a very long bout with writer’s block; how ironic! I took this job because it was perfect (or so it seemed) to balance my writing time with a working paycheck. When I graduated with my English degree it was my intention to work, but only as much as it would supplement our income so I could write, but it hasn’t worked out that way. I have spent far more time working and very little time writing. And that is okay, I think (after four years) I am finally getting it all figured out, the writing will come now. In the meantime, back to school I go.

Thinking about going back today, I realized how lucky I am to have my job, but even more so, I am glad I don’t teach in the traditional sense of the word. I love what I do but I don’t have what it takes to do what my colleagues around me do. I have the knowledge, yes, but the love and dedication it takes to be a classroom teacher is something special. In my job, I work one on one with a student, prompting, directing, guiding and helping them in their struggle with a certain task. When that is accomplished, they leave and I move on to the next student. I am as much a motivator as I am an instructor (which is how my business developed from my job). When my time clock signals my day is done, it is done, period. I walk out and, for the most part, don’t think about work again until I walk back in the door. I am free to spend my evenings doing as I choose. Teachers don’t have this luxury.

Teachers choose teaching because they have a love for a subject and a desire to share it and maybe even pass on that passion. In my department, I have a passion for the written word, I love to read it and I love to create it even more. What I don’t have is the drive to share and explain it. I have such respect for the teachers and professors I work with; their job is not an easy one. I am sure they all love the subject they teach as much as I do. Especially in English, most have specialties. Some love literature, others composition, and still others the actual mechanics of the language, yet, when teaching, most teach all of it. This job, once fully dedicated to just teaching, no longer consists of just these specialties. Teachers are now often bogged down with attendance forms, accountability reports, red tape, paperwork, recertification requirements, workshops, conference, and the list goes on and on. Add to that, many teach five or six classes with two or three different preps, with each class comprised of 30 students or more. If you simply do the math, in a typical class that requires 5 three page papers per semester, you will get the idea. I am an English person, not a math one; I have to have a calculator to figure the totals.

Just the workload is enough to overwhelm most, even the hardcore dedicated educator, but then add in the actual students. The things that teachers see every day is hard to believe. Manners, discipline, and a strong work ethic seems to be a foreign concept to much of our youth, and forget responsibility. Students are looking for an easy ride to a degree and have every excuse as to why they can’t earn it themselves. People often expect parents to step in on behalf of their students (even when they are in the wrong) at the public school level, but believe me, it happens even at the upper levels of education. And our system has become easy to manipulate, making the student (and/or parent) the consumer and the school the provider. Too often teachers are pushed into the “customer is always right” mentality and have to give, even when the student doesn’t deserve it. Classroom management and students attitudes are responsible more and more to driving teachers out of the profession.

All this said, I guess I am just reminding us all that if you are reading this, you owe your thanks to a teacher. As school starts into session, thousands of dedicated, overworked, underpaid individuals make their way back into the classroom to educate our youth. Their job isn’t an easy one, and, in truth, one that most of us would never want to do. Come November or so, maybe a card of thanks (maybe even accompanied by a restaurant gift card or box of favorite candy) would be an act of appreciation in a greatly under-appreciated profession.

This entry is dedicated to Mrs. Frank, my third grade teacher (Poinsettia Elementary School, Ventura, CA); for it was her attitude, the love of her students and the interest she showed me that made me feel smart enough to accomplish the tasks that school assigned me.

Give Me an Old Six-Pack Over a Young Muffin Top Anyday!

2011-08-15T18:36:00.003-04:00

Once again one of the softer stories on The Today Show caught my attention, and judging from some of the responses on it, I am not the only the person this subject has tweaked. The show was discussing the results of the following poll:

"Should women stop wearing bikinis, miniskirts or ponytails after a certain age? A More Magazine survey found that most agree there's an expiration date for certain looks for the average female.

Here were the results:
Bikinis: 47
Miniskirts: 35
Stilettos: 51
Knee-high boots: 47
Leggings: 45
Tight vest: 44
See-through blouse: 40
Long hair: 53
Ponytail: 51"

Yup, the "poll people" have spoken and they have determined that if a WOMAN is over a certain age, many pieces of apparel are no longer fitting of them; AND I do understand that decorum should be maintained at any age, especially as one grows older. At "my age" not only do I have no desire to go out in a tube top and Daisy Duke shorts, I also don't plan to wear many of the fashions that are common to the twenty- and maybe even thirty-something group. However, looking back over this poll, I find more than one item I have supposedly aged out of is still residing in my closet, not to mention, the thought that I only have four more years with my long hair and even less with my ponytail is simply a bit depressing.

I do understand and truly believe that, for the most part, people (both men and women) should dress their age, but I also think that idea is qualified by the fact that people need to dress their body type as well. I can't count how many times I have seen things I would just rather not ... you know, you have seen them: muffin tops that might be better defined as full cake tops, shorts with ample "buns" busting out, a jiggling belly hanging out of a baby doll shirt and flopping over low rise jeans, grossly over-sized breasts spilling out of not just the top but sides and even bottoms of shirts, and let us not forget seeing far too many a male's derriere crack smiling at us! Face it, many of the younger generation will not go down as icons of tasteful fashion.

So, after a recent trip to a swim-up bar while on vacation in which I sat back and just observed the adornment of the patrons, I don't care what polls say, I feel a two piece bathing suit is appropriate for any woman as long as it is worn on an appropriate BODY. I saw women in bikinis that I am sure were well into their 50s and looked great, and I saw women in their 20s that would have had a hard time looking decent in a 1920s Flapper bathing suit, much less the the tiny pieces of cloth that were being strained to the limits just to cover the bare necessities! Of course, the opposite was true as well, there were plenty of tastefully dressed Generation X'ers and an few Baby Boomers that had no clue how bad they looked. It simply is all about making the right choices.

I sported a bikini my entire vacation this year - thank goodness I hadn't seen this poll before we left, I might have had to go shopping for a one piece less I be self-conscious every time we headed out to the water. I did have some reservations in wearing the small suits but I have worked hard over the last year and I thought I could feel good enough to get by in them. In truth, this is probably the most comfortable I have ever been in a bathing suit in my life (that is not saying much as I still am very self conscious). As a teen I hated my figure. I was always odd shaped. Even at just 100 pounds and 5 foot 4 inches I was bottom heavy and soft, I didn't like how I looked in a bathing suit period - one piece or two. Probably the only time I ever was completely comfortable in one was when I was pregnant, after all, pregnant women aren't supposed to have the perfect figure for a bathing suit or otherwise. But now I am working hard to get my weight down, lose the jiggle and most of all be toned. While I fight my legs' shape, I have at least been blessed with a small waist and some newly developed abs, therefore that is the part of my figure I am happiest with. Those abs don't show in a one piece suit; plain and simple I feel better in a bikini, but according to the pollsters, that doesn't matter, I am passed "the age."

And so I question, is 40 or 50 or even 60 too old for a bikini (provided the body is at least remotely bikini ready)? Look at the famous actresses/celebs out there over 40 or 50.... Demi Moore, Haley Barry, Jennifer Aniston, Andi McDowell, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Carmen Diaz, Jennifer Lopez (currently named sexiest woman alive), Diane Lane, Catherine Bell, and the list goes on and on. Each of these women are considered on the list of the Most Sexy Women in Hollywood in a poll answered by men. Each of them look like dynamite in a bathing suit (as well as most everything else on the above list as well, including the 35-year-old limit on the mini skirt).

Should an abstract number put them under a burlap bag? And why does this just apply to women, do men never outgrow styles? Or maybe men's issues all have to do with hair - both facial and scalp related. Part of the problem I think is many of these polls are answered by twenty-somethings, and I know when I was that age, my current age seemed nearly ready for the old folks home! What they don't realize, but will need to question when they hit their 40s and 50s is that, with proper care of their bodies, they aren't going to "look" or even feel that age, so why should they be limited to a set of arbitrary standards?

And, if there still are doubts or questions of age verses body type still exist, take a look at this photo of Helen Merran, who has celebrated her 65th birthday....

Now, that is body I would have loved at 18, 25, 40 or now, much less when I am 65, and I think she is beautiful in that classy little red bikini. So, do we choose by age, size, body type.... or possibly, how is this, we use common sense? That would certainly be a new idea these days. Until then, I won't give up my bikini until the plethora of jiggly muffin tops stop parading by or the cheeks that hang out of tiny shorts on someone of ANY AGE quit mooning the world around them. Decency, after all, is the best fashion of all - at 18- or 80-years-old.

*Oh, on one last side note, you might notice in the picture of me, I also do have some (as the kids call it) bling hanging from my belly button.... yes, I do have my naval pierced, another big no-no after the age of thirty five. Geezzzz, 35, seems to be the day us women just shrivel up and become old and useless.

How YOU Have Changed My Life

2011-08-13T09:57:00.000-04:00

There is this group thing going around Facebook which is basically a trip down memory lane. Anyone that is on there has seen as "You know you grew up in ____" or "You know you went to ______ high school" type page where people can bond by the common memories or experiences they share. It really is a pretty neat thing and I would be amiss if I didn't admit to spending an afternoon reading and responding to a couple of groups myself.

One noticeable thing in the groups that discuss high school is being able to look at just how much influence or mark (be it good or bad) teachers have had on people's lives. It got me thinking, truth is, no matter who, people that come through our lives for more than just a moment always have some sort of influence on us - it is the way of life, communication, and more importantly, relationships. I have been thinking a lot about it.

I have maintained a blog of some sort now for nearly 10 years, in fact, I just looked, I wrote my first entry on August 19, 2001 - ten years just a week from today. Occasionally I go back over that original blog (that yes, I still write in it) and am amazed at all the things that have happened in my life in that time. What is more, I remember all the people that have come through and how they have touched me in whatever form.

Since that blog was created I have had people that have given me so much. Of course, I have my family and they are amazing. Like any other family, I have members that have made me crazy, saddened me, or even angered me, and yet I love each and everyone of them. Family gives so much more than we can even attempt to give back, and I have been so lucky, my family continues to grow which means just more to love and share with.

And I have had friendships of all sorts, some of which the blog has been directly responsible for. Some people have come through my life by way of work, school programs, hobbies, and school (my college experience). Each one has given me something. I have an amazing friend that has been through so much with me, especially during some particularly difficult years. The friendship given to me by this person has sustained my soul and boosted my self-confidence when I thought I had none. I know, even when our relationship has taken a few stumbles or missteps, that this is friend is there for me and that devotion to our friendship never waivers; it is comforting, safe, enduring, and true, and I am a better person for it.

I have a friend that is now a long distance from me. I was thinking of her the other day. I miss her. We were/are kindred spirits. From the time we first met, we bonded and I could understand perfectly her relationship with her husband and family. We had experienced some of the same negative self-worth issues and we also had a tendency to be a real partner in crime together.

In the last few years I have connected with relationships that have transitioned. A couple started as a underling/superior relationship - meaning I was a student, they were the teacher; I was the employee, they were the boss, I was the adult, they were a kid; I was the new employee, they were the veteran staff; even I was the teacher, they were the student, and now they have equalized into true friendships. One friendship, I still feel a particular mentor, even motherly relationship with her, but it is a relationship of friendship nonetheless. I feel pride in her accomplishments and choices but I also enjoy her company just to hang out with as well.

I have also been blessed to have friendships and people brought into my life by my family. There are two couples that Darren and I spend as much time with as possible simply because it is a great time and we love these people. Both of these friendships started out as colleagues of Darren and I am thankful our lives have crossed. Add to that, other people who have come through Darren, Morgan and Dallas, all friendships and relationships to enrich my life. These are people I might not see everyday, week or even once or twice in a year, but they have given something to my life.

The truth is, people enrich our lives. Even negative people can make our lives better if we allow it. We can take something from everyone that we come in contact and make good of it. I truly believe that. Maybe that makes me a bit naive, and if so, I will take it because I choose to try to always see the cup half full. The truth is, if you know me in real life, or more than just an occasional read on the internet, and are reading this, you have changed or affected my life in some way or another. I am thankful for you because, just like the air I breath, the water I drink or the food I eat, you nourish my life. By the same token, I hope I have changed a few people's lives by my being in it. Thinking of it that way also means I hope I have done things to make positive impressions, to be helpful, to be a friend to you, that so many have been to me. I am blessed, for the family, friends and those who have passed through my life, I believe I am a better person, and for that I thank you all.

Exactly how do you medically soak your bellybutton standing up?

2011-08-10T21:18:00.001-04:00

Yes, it actually is a question I had to find an answer for; a question of real concern. So, I did what everyone that has a keyboard within his or her reach would do, I googled it. Sure enough, the answer was available in detail, with step-by-step instructions, with pictures, and even video. Problem solved, I will now be soaking my bellybutton four times a day not that I am completely informed as to the method! The internet is an amazing creation.

Obviously we are back from our vacation and I am checking in. I feel like, after the vacation we had, I am not just checking back in here, I am having a forced relocation into reality; our vacation was that good. Anyone that is on my Facebook has had access to the photos which basically review seven days of good times on Lake Erie, good food, good drink, and, most importantly, lots of good times with good friends. It was just what the doctor ordered to prepare both the husband and I to return to another school year.

In other catching up, it is amazing how much a newborn can change! We left Tannis a four week old newborn and came back to a smiling, cooing, chunky infant just 10 days later. She changed so much I couldn't believe it. Drake seems to be growing with every passing moment as well. His vocabulary is limitless and he is adding all his pronouns, verbs and most recently, adjectives to his verbal communication. He very clearly and precisely says we are not to go back back to "O-Hi-O" at least not without him.

In keeping myself on track and accountable with my healthy lifestyle, I will praise myself by mentioning that I only gain just under a half of a pound on my vacation and managed to take that same amount off in just a few days of being home and getting back to good food and a routine. I am back to the gym and back on the wagon when it comes brownies, cookies, cakes and candy (all things evil). Boy was that hot brownie sundae good that last night (thanks Del) before we came home!

And, in case anyone is wondering, "after filling a juice/water glass with warm water and epson salt, bend over and place the glass over the navel where it will form a seal. Stand up or sit down slowly and allow the soaking process to go on for about 15 minutes." Don't laugh, it works and I am hoping that it won't be long before my bellybutton piercing will look (and feel) normal again!

Catching a Memories of Moments Gone too Soon

2011-07-19T19:10:00.001-04:00

Tannis turns a month old tomorrow. I can't believe it. Why does it seem like the months before a baby is born simply crawls by and then the days, weeks, even months after the arrival pass in lightening speed? I want each and every moment of Tannis' young life to slow down, I want to enjoy each of those phases and already the newborn stage is gone and she is looking like a beautiful little infant. I know it is only going to go by faster as time goes on.

As a parent, we watch, even anxiously for each new achievement, the first smile, the first word, the first step, milestones such as identifying colors and shapes and then reading. I think grandparents are a little less anxious to have these events happen because they now know how fleeting their own children's childhood was. With Drake, I look at a very precocious toddler with a mind boggling rate of learning, and yet, just two years ago he wasn't much bigger than Tannis. I know that in just as short amount of time Tannis will be where Drake is now and he will be getting ready to march off to kindergarten and an entirely new phase of life.

Sometimes I get some under the breath criticism or negative comments about the amount of pictures I take of my family -- my children, grandchildren, husband, parents and even the extended members -- and I know some people don't understand, but for me it is simple. With every day people change, especially children, and I want to be able to stop those moments in time, if even just in the memory of a photograph.

Our lives on this earth are short, 50 years from now, perhaps my grandchildren will still recall me, I hope so, but in 100 years there will really not be anything to show that I was here. And yet, there are those who have been gone nearly that amount of time in our family history and we have just a bit of them by way of photographs. I love that, it connects me to who I am, who my children are because of where and who we came from. Dallas has the gray eyes of his grandfather (Darren's mother's father), and while we have never known him, there is a part of him that we can see through pictures and my son's eyes. I see an expression on Drake's face and then I see Justin's baby pictures and he is wearing the exact same expression; it is the continuation of family available to share for generations to come.

So, I will continue to wish that time would slow down and give me more of a chance to enjoy the precious moments with my grandbabies, but all the while I will be snapping away, trying to capture forever (or at least my lifetime) these moments that go by way too fast.

In a Flash of a Moment

2011-07-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

Life is constant in only one way, it is ever changing. Sometimes that change comes over time, like a slow river meandering through the valley plain; more often than not it turns at racing speed, crashing over the sand or rocks that lay in the way. And then there is that one moment, that blink of an eye where life changes forever and you know, no matter what, it will never be the same.

Twenty seven years ago today, at 9:01 pm, that blink of an eye moment happened for me. With a indignant roar of newborn cries my precious daughter entered the world. This was "back in the day" when we didn't have instant previews of our unborn children, when we had to guess (with about a 50/50 percent accuracy) if we were having a girl or boy, and when schedule inductions only happened in very specific events. So, I knew when I was due, but babies don't always follow a calendar, mine never did, and we didn't know what summer day our child would make her/his appearance.

Full term with Morgan (July 1984)

Morgan's trip into this world was easy on me and she has always been a joy in my life. I wanted a girl so badly when I was pregnant with her and I couldn't have been more thrilled when my doctor proudly announced "it's a girl."

Less than an hour old - July 19, 1984

Trip home in the carseat - they didn't have "infant carseats then, they were all the same, so it was huge. Looking at this photo, I see Tannis so clearly in her Mommy.

one week old

Her favorite place to be for the first six months of her life, Daddy's chest

1st "Portrait" at six weeks, in the dress she came home from the hospital in.

six months

The years have flown by and, with each birthday I have watched that baby girl of mine grown into a beautiful woman. I had only one dream for Morgan that matters, that she would find happiness and a life she loves. I see her now with her wonderful husband and the family they have made together, and I think that dream reach fulfillment.

I smile now, when I look at her holding her baby daughter as I did her, and I realize how (both with Tannis and Drake) that her life has changed in a moment as well. My new dream with her as she emerges in her life as a mother is that she find the love and happiness in her children that I found since the moment my life changed when she (and eventually Dallas) came into it.

Morgan, Justin and baby daughter Tannis

Happy Birthday Morgan Leigh Phaneuf!

Thank you for making me a Mother and for all the wonderfulness that has provided me in my life.

It may be your birthday, but each July 19th, I think I get the best present of all - you.

You Know You Have a Good One When A Woman Says So

2011-07-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

There are a lot of common held thoughts on inter-women relationships. No, I am not referring to same sex or significant other relationships, I am simply speaking of the relationship women hold within other women (think interpersonal relationships, only with just the female sex). If you are a woman, you know what I am talking about. Think being in a party or social situation where an extremely attractive and obviously confident woman walks in and turns the heads of the men in the room... What is the usual reaction of most women, maybe even you inside your head?

"Bitch"

Yup, guilty! I have been guilty of that myself. Personally I think it is our insecurities that often cause this reaction. Another situation, one I have been familiar with in the past month or so, in the women's locker room of a gym; women are in various state of dress. Also, there are women of all body types, from the grandmother trying to rehab from an injury to the toned and spry young Pilate's instructor. It is often the default reaction of us women to size them up, judge them (either positive or negative) against our own personal body image. Again, this is often more about how we feel about ourselves than any truth or knowledge of another. Truth be told, how women feel about other women, how we size them up, especially against ourselves is often a yardstick of our understanding of our own value.

By the same token, how women react to us and show their approval or disapproval can boost or bring us down with just a look or word. Because we judge other women, we also have a tendency to believe their judgement of us. And that can be a good thing sometimes..... You see, a man can compliment us and, while we like and appreciate it, that positive word isn't nearly as much value as hearing that same compliment coming from a woman; we believe the woman. That is an experience I had just the other day. I had bought a new dress, one a different style from most that I have. On the rack it looked ~~strange~~, ummm, unusual. My husband was with me and he too was very skeptical when I showed it to him on the hanger. I tried it on and liked it. Not only did I like it, but he said he did as well and we bought it.

The following morning I took it to the gym with me, planning to wear it for work, and dressed after my workout. Several times in the locker room, I had women stop and compliment me on the dress once I put it on. As I left, a young lady in the lobby said "you look nice today" as well. I stopped to pick up coffee and got yet another "I like that dress" from the girl behind the counter. At work and throughout the rest of the day the comments and compliments continued. By the time I got home, I was feeling very good about the purchase I had made the night before. You see, even though I liked it, and my husband had said it looked really good, I knew I had a great new dress by the female reaction I had received during the day.

So why, I wonder, if we are so happy with the positive reactions of women that we get, are we so mean to each other in many ways? I think about the girls and women over the years that I never spoke to because I assumed that they were snobs, stuck up or just plain not nice. How many woman might have thought the same of me? In life, isn't the purpose to make friends, relationships, and to communicate? If so, we women are doing a lousy job of it a lot of the time! I am going to try to work on that, try to bring a smile and a compliment to other women I encounter within my day. And ....

I will be wearing the new dress a whole lot too while I am doing the complimenting!

Someone give me some direction, please.

2011-07-11T21:49:00.000-04:00

No, honestly, I am not kidding. We are heading to Ohio in two weeks. It has become an annual trip for us. Ohio, odd I know, especially for two people that are not from Ohio, have never lived in Ohio and don't have any family there. What we do have there is two very special friends who always help us to relax and enjoy a break from reality. Our days and evenings there consist of time on Lake Erie, a Jet Boat ride out to South Bass Island and the resort of Put-in-Bay, even a visit to Cedar Point - the roller-coaster capital of the world, and more. A lot of the time is spent just enjoying the company of friendship over corn hole and fresh meals cooked over the open grill. This year, the trip will be further enhanced by Darren and Del (our friend) running in the Warrior Dash, a race that is described on the website as:

"Warrior Dash is the ultimate event for thrill-seeking athletes. This 5k race is held on the most demanding and unique terrain from around the world. Participants will take on intense obstacles, and celebrate their feat with music, beer, and muddy shorts!" (facebook Warrior Dash info page)

I can't wait to get pictures of that. It is going to be a fun time. Darren has actually been "training" for this for a while, one of our inspiration to follow through on our living healthy and exercising routine. The entire trip is going to be fun. Not to mention, right now here at home it feels like we are living in the depths of hell with the heat index expected to reach 110 tomorrow and not go lower than 85 over night. The weather, no matter how warm, is always more tolerable there.

So, yes, bring on vacation, with one exception.... while Darren and I ride well in a car together, we simply do not co-pilot together. We are fine on the open road, even in unfamiliar territory but get us in the city with quick exits and highway changes, and well, it can get tense. Add in some traffic and hitting places at rush hour and we can get pretty cranky. For these very reasons, we promised we would not make another long trip without the assistance of a GPS. I have started looking for one, one that won't take a bite out of trip money and one that is easy to operate. We don't need a ton of bells and whistles, instead we simply need a screen and voice command unit that can get us there simply. I thought that would be an easy task to find.... um, I have been wrong.... there are hundreds of units out there with almost equally as many features that are offered. I have no idea where to begin. I don't want a box that will perform cosmic brain surgery, I simply one something that gets me there.

So, I am going to put the question out there, does anyone have a GPS? What brand is it? Do you like it? Do you use it often, is it easy or hard to use? And, even, does anyone know of a place that perhaps rent them? I am lost and need some direction, in more ways than one.

If not for yourself; then for you children, please.

2011-07-10T22:06:00.001-04:00

Note: the second half of this entry is a cause near and dear to me, but some get tired of reading about fitness and weight loss from me, so if that is you, you might want to skip over this entry or maybe just read the first part of it.

I am proud of myself, got the house cleaned up today when I really didn't want to (well, Drake's room still needs picking up but for now I just shut that door as no one will be in it again until next weekend). I also am working on getting my laundry finished, and, the really biggie, some meals prepared for the coming week (thanks to the mega-grilling my husband did before dinner). It is funny, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have this "routine" thing down - just a bit.

They say you have to do something 28 times for it to become a habit, well, I am beyond that in number of days going to the gym, and I do think it is becoming a habit for me. I never thought I would say it, but I do love going to the gym AND (and this is major) I miss it when I don't go. I really do want this to become a lifestyle change - not just a point of getting into a size I want, or not having my legs jiggle in a pair of shorts - but a true change of eating healthy and keeping me in the best shape I can. I have learned over the past couple months that if one lets up, either on healthy eating or exercise, it takes far less time to regress into being overweight than it does to get in shape! My goal now is find those muscles I have been building and start defining them. I want the cuts in my arms, the definition in my legs and most certainly the ever elusive six-pack in my abs. The problem with that, I need a bit more than I have now to get that. It is more than just going to the gym, it is knowing how to isolate those muscles and really build them. It is knowing which exercises and machines I need to use, and for that, I need a trainer. But there aren't trainers just standing around offering to help me, at least not for free, and right now paying someone isn't in the cards. Unless, of course, anyone out there wants to step up and offer..... I am open, really! I promise I won't turn you down!

Today, when we went to the store, I had a horrible craving for some Oreos. I used to not even like Oreos but now I have been obsessing over them for a while. Darren managed to direct me in the other direction, all the while reminding me it isn't the calories in those Oreos that are the problem, but the fact that I have to go through withdraw (detox) from those bad carbs. He is right, I really, really have a problem with white sugar in the form of sweets and baked goods, and I have to back away..... sad because I really am missing my cookies right now! Not just the Oreos but the ones I make, and I know I won't be making them for a while.

Darren found an article the other day that was talking about the obesity in America; it was pretty darn depressing. In a nutshell, the alarming highlights:

"Despite new initiatives aimed at various sectors of society, including schools and restaurants, obesity rates did not drop in one single US state last year, and rose in 16 of them. Twelve states have 30%+ obesity rates today, compared to just one in 2007,....This latest report, which spans two decades, shows that twenty years ago the number of US states with an obesity rate above 15% was ZERO. Since 1995, obesity rates have risen by 90%+ in 10 states and have doubled in another 7......... The only state with an obesity rate of less than 20% is Colorado.Tennessee, Alabama, and Oklahoma have experienced the fasted increases, while Connecticut, Colorado and Washington DC have seen the lowest." ~Medical News Today

Now, I know I am on my high horse, but I am just beginning to learn how important the fight it is to eat right and exercise. I know it is never going to be easy for me. Just because I can finally get into a size 8 doesn't mean I can slack up and just not worry about it anymore. It has been said by others, and I wholeheartedly agree, "the only thing harder than losing the weight is keeping the weight off." But the one encouraging thing is that it all comes down to one thing: HABIT. If a person can just get in the habit (especially when they are young) of staying away from unhealthy food, of eating less sugar and salt and more fruits, veggies and lean protein, that is more than half the battle there. Add in some, let's not call it exercise, let's call it fun, physical activities, and you have the perfect recipe to staying healthy. If we can start this with our CHILDREN, then maybe, just maybe, we can start turning the above statistics around. Honestly, we have to because there is one statistic out there that should alarm everyone:

Today's young adult generation is the FIRST generation in history that have a life expectancy that is SHORTER than that of their parents!

Americans are fat, and getting fatter every day - and yes, for years I was counted in that number as well. If I dare back off, I will end up right back there too, and that scares me. I have two beautiful grandchildren and hopefully a couple more in the rather distant future, and I want to be alive to see them grow up and enjoy the time with them. My best tool in making that wish come true is to keep myself in shape. What is more, I feel a need to encourage others to do what I have done, because, honestly, it is not that complicated, and I promise: IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN. I have no magic pill, no special trick up my sleeve, I simply have the greatest weight loss advice that can ever be given - in four little words:

Eat Less - Exercise More

I know it is boring, and goodness knows, it isn't easy, but it is so worth it. Think about it, if not for yourself, for those that love you, and most of all - for our children.